Saturday, April 1, 2017

Seven Days and The Next First Step

I love the number seven.

Love.

There is a lot of symbolism in it for me. I guess you might say it is my lucky number, but even more...somehow like hearts, the number seven has come up in and where I needed it....like a tap on the shoulder from God to "look up."

Seven days ago I knew I was in the midst of what some might call GO TIME{click the link for what the urban dictionary has to say about it}, and there was going to be two clear paths and no going back whichever one I chose.

I never in a million (years) thought seven days later there would be resolution (of sorts), or that it would take seven days to fully play out, or what all would result from my simple decision to 'hold fast' to what I knew to be true.

Yet....seven days later.

Joshua 6.

I recommend it.

So here is the lesson in the past seven days that seems oh so clear this morning, yet seven days ago looked simply like 'was I willing to take the first step'....in faith'?....

Sometimes when you take the first step, and the next, and the next, and the next....seven days later....the walls fall....just as God promised they would. Amazing.

I think that is the part of the Bible I forget about in the midst of the lessons in the great stories....we know how the story ends, but they, in the moment, had no idea if those walls were going to actually fall (for example). All they knew is the faith it took to take the next first step.


The next first step.

***

I got pulled away with a work emergency (I know. I know. It is Saturday. *insert eye roll*) and then had brunch plans with a friend. So....here it is hours later, and I decided to come out to the park and sit in the sunshine and write. Finish. Write and finish what God started this morning...

"Even If" by Mercy Me just started playing in my earbuds. Isn't that the truth of the matter. Even when we don't know how our story within the larger story will play out. Even IF it does not play out the way we want it to, or even how we believed God was going to map it out. Our job is to trust. Even if. We trust.

"What will I say when I am held to the flame like I am right now."

Man! That is a powerful lyric.

Seven days I had NO idea how the next steps were going to play out. I am now looking to the next step, the next steps, and I also have NO idea how they are going to play out. Yet, that is okay. God is teaching me....in the step.

Last night I ended up spending time with my business partner, his wife, and their kids. After a few weeks, a week, and certainly a day for the record books. I think there were words left to be said, and healing in the hugs of children and sidewalk chalk drawings, and in the midst of a lot of ALL that.....suddenly there was this moment where one of the littles could not draw a "2" and they stated to their mother that they could not draw it. Their mom asked if they wanted help. The child replied yes. She asked if they wanted her to "dot it out" and the child said yes. Then the mother dotted out on the page the numbers, passed the sheet back to the child, and then the child traced the numbers out on the page following the dots. I stood watching this....absolutely fascinated. I said, "I have never seen that teaching method, but it makes so much sense because you aren't doing it for them, but giving them a roadmap that they then still have to execute. Brilliant.

I told that story over brunch this morning and looked my friend dead in the eye and said, "That is EXACTLY what God is doing with me." For the past few months, I have gotten caught up with completing the lessons, the straggling list, finishing well, etc. That wasn't the point though...the process was the point.

Would I say, "I can't do this God."

Him, "Would you like my help?"

"Yes, Lord."

Him, "Would you like me to give you the next step?"

"Yes, Lord."

Him revealing the next step and pushing it back to me, "Take it."

Me taking it, and then, "I can't do this."

....and repeat.

Again and again.

He has been teaching me to ask...teaching me submission....teaching me obedience....teach me to listen to HIM and cancel out the rest of the story...focus on his next first step.

...and the children will lead us.

I am in awe.

There is something amazing that happens when you start laying down your strongholds. I have to be honest. I had no idea how much grief and anger and trauma ruled my life, my emotions, my heart, my actions, my judgement. It did. I thought I trusted God, but I was a fraud. I trusted only whatever emotion ruled me in any given moment. I have watched myself transform from the inside out this past year, but none more than the past several weeks as attack after attack tested all of the lessons learned this past year. How would I react? How would I feel? What would I trust? Who would I trust? Would I take the next step? Would I choose what was right over what was easy? I wish I could say that it gets simpler; it doesn't. What it does get is more clarifying. What I mean by that is that as you start walking in trust, it begins to look and feel more natural. You recognize it. That doesn't mean old habits aren't around the corner, so you pray for discernment. You pray that you recognize those habits faster so you can once again correct yourself and step back into trusting God...With. Everything.

So....are those things that God gave me to do important?

Absolutely.

What is even more important though is did I learn how to listen, to trust, to apply, to step, to follow, to discern. HOW I complete the lessons is just as (if not even more) important than the completion itself. THAT is what God has been trying to teach me since the first of the year. It only took three months. LOL

Wow.

I don't even know how to end this....

I guess I want to tell you that I am exhausted. That this process is exhausting. Yet...

The work is worth it. Absolutely worth it.

I feel it. As in feel it inside my bones. Even more, I have some amazing people who have prayed me through this past five years like BOSSES and they are stepping into every single gap and encouraging me onward. They still believe in what God is doing, and will do, in me and through me. I am so grateful. I bet I could write a book on gratitude and publish just their text messages alone. I wish for everyone, for you,  a tribe of men and women who believe in you, speak truth into you, and hold you up and together when the enemy comes at you with all he has and leaves you for dead.

....and finally, the enemy is never ever going to stop. The attacks in the past seven days have been brutal, deliberate, and executed with precision - but, BUT I am still standing. Tired? Yes. Wobbly? A little. Breathing? Better than ever. Broken? Not even close. I did shed some tears yesterday.....well, some daily, but even that is progress - no more stuffing it down for me. Process! Process! Process! I also allowed myself to feel the attacks; I simply didn't allow them to take me out. My faith is growing and with it my armor. Hear me well - armor - NOT walls. Such a difference that only did I start figuring that out last Sunday. Also, sometimes armor looks ridiculously similar to a steel backbone. ;)

So....the enemy is coming. Be ready. Life goes on.

The next first step.

I am SO excited.

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