We are at two OR seven....I have lost count....but God is sending people to speak into me an idea so fundamentally crazy it is brilliant.....and I am sitting here in the lobby of the Omni Hotel in Nashville in between sessions at my conference, a roaring fire to my left and beautiful sunshine pouring into the windows across the lobby to my right....and I am breathless.
For the second time this morning.
Breathless.
Part of me is wondering why I never thought of it before, and the other part can hear my friend Rachel (when talking about her own dream), "I wasn't ready."
Yup.
....and that is why we need God.
Why we need tribe.
Why we need to grieve and purge and unshackle ourselves from the yokes that are not our own, that might never have been ours, but most certainly not ours TODAY. We need room to dream, to hear God, to hear those God is sending to us IRL to speak truth into us, to feel joy, and frankly....to have a clear head.
I have shared with both my friend Sherri and my counselor over the last several weeks that I felt like creativeness was POURING out of every pore of my body. I didn't understand what was happening, but I was trying to capture as much in Moleskine journals as I could...and now I have a pile of them. This morning I am sitting here realizing that there is a theme to what has been coming out of me...and I think God is leaving or has left me a trail of breadcrumbs. So a few minutes ago I wrote in my Moleskine (after writing out six pages of ideas), "God what would/could this look like?"
See....here is the deal. This is the WHOLE ballgame.
I don't want ANY of it. None. Unless it is of God and from God. Period.
I have hustled and achieved everything I (as in I) thought I wanted and none of it has served me. Then I proceeded to take three years to unyoke myself from what it took me 20 years to acquire (external focused). I have now spent an entire year doing the same thing to the inside (with more to go I know) of me (internal focused). So here I sit as "unyoked" as I have EVER EVER been, and I can feel the earthly desires nipping at my heels and whispering in my ears, and I am all HELL NO (sorry if that offends you). I have NOT done all of this work, come oh so far, only to get yoked up again to a bunch of stuff that does not serve me....but even more, stuff that is not of God.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
So....I am praying for discernment because the dreams are flooding once again, and I am going to let them flood. BUT, but so are opportunities. God will show me which one(s) he wants me to ride out.
When I was a little girl, I used to have these crazy inventions/ideas. I designed an enclosed bike that you could ride in the rain (we had a long walk to the mailbox). I developed a "system" for cleaning and organizing my room and playroom. I ran my own church, school, and hospital. I had the most saved, educated, and healthy stuffed animal and doll collection In. The. World. LOL I had dreams. Lots and lots of dreams.
I have never ever lost all of that, but what I did lose is the faith in myself to ACT on them.
Here is what strikes me this morning.
I have a good nose (thinking of Miss V right there). I can sniff out a good idea. Whether mine or someone else's, I am really good at discerning what "has something" and what does not. As such, I have become the ultimate encourager as I find people are a lot like me and while they might still dream, they are too scared to ACT. Enter Heather and her A+ pushing skills. ;)
God what would/could this look like?
God just gave me the title of this post.
I have packed in a month with my friend Rachel and her family in the past 36 hours. They have been precious and beautiful and EVERYTHING for two friends who have seen a lot of miles in the past 17 years.
When she talks about her daughter she discusses "the fire" in her.
Yup.
I hear you.
God, I am trusting you wholly to light me up inside. Light me UP.
I am not ready. Not by a longshot. YET/BUT.....that is perfect. I don't want to be ready. I want this to be YOU. All YOU. I want to throw my arms out and cry out to you to make the way, put the ground underneath my feet right before they step...the words in my mouth just as I open it....orchestrate the people, the time, the places. You. Do. It. ALL. I just want to obey. I just want to be your hands and feet. Just me and you God. You. And. Me.
I love you.
There is about to be a mess here at the Omni as this woman is typing 90+ words a minute and crying and there is this fire....and #scene.
The Fire.
Holy Ground just started playing in my ears. Let me tell you what I know to be true, in this moment, it is ALL Holy Ground. Everywhere God is placing my feet has become Holy Ground. I am undone.
Show us Your glory
Show us Your glory
In wonder and surrender we fall down
Show us Your glory
Show us Your glory
Let every burning heart be holy ground
The Fire.
Game. On.
What is God stirring up in you? Sit with him. Ask questions. Wait for him to answer. He will. In his time.
