What brings you motivation?
I'm in the midst of learning what brings me motivation.
Because it is changing.
What once served me oh so well is falling short for me now....and not by a little, but by a country mile.
This morning, ill served or satisfied by my traditional morning routine, I caught myself scrolling through videos and photos one of my niece's friends is posting from #Passion2017 and I found myself envious. Deeply.
I missed Catalyst last October due to issues at our firm and I didn't realize how bitter I was about it until I watched with an ache in my heart thousands of college kids studying/listening/worshipping in Atlanta. Ugh. Catalyst is my Passion Conference. Or maybe I just wish I could hang out with college kids more because that age is so awesome. Or maybe I am just hungry for more...
I ended up watching the session that Beth Moore taught and sitting there thoroughly convicted throughout. After I jumped up and sat at my desk to map out a day (in one of my two new planners/dream journals for 2017 - oh stop - I have a problem - I own it - LOL). Out of the two, the one I grabbed first was the one that daily asks deeper questions about how you want your day to look and feel, gratitude, etc. It is a new one for me, and I will be honest...I chuckled a little when I opened the box. Cheesy. Yet...I need a little more cheesy in my life.
I am barely hanging on.
There I said it.
I texted Sis last night and told her I am right there on the edge....just barely hanging on. There are about six things...and by six I mean two...that I want to quit right now. Quit. I have expended all of my heart, brain, energy....and I am just over it. Over. It.
I can't though...I mean I can, but God has me wrestling through to the end. Finishing well and all that.
...but I am done. I mean my heart is just done. It can't even fake giving a damn.
I want to learn the lesson of how to finish something well BEFORE I get to the "my give a damn is busted" stage.
You have to give me this though....I squeeze ALL the flavor out of that stick of gum before I toss it.
Bob Goff has this "..quit something every Thursday..." and Donald Miller writes about it HERE. I have been intrigued by his theory for awhile now, but it also makes me incredibly nervous. I mean...I am no quitter. Why is that though? I have a lunch appointment on Friday that I am actually attending for someone else as they are double-booked. The appointment is at a place I turned down last year to be on their board. A few people have brought it up to me in passing...heard about the ask and my no through the grapevine. Seriously. (rolling eyes NOW) Are they trying to make me feel guilty? OR am I simply allowing myself to feel guilty? Probably a little of both.
The truth is that I have come a long way in saying no and selecting a best yes out of a range of great things, but....BUT the truth is that there are still habits, people, things in my life that I simply need to flat our quit. Quit.
I am no longer motivated by those things and faking it is killing me a little inside.
I know. I know. Dramatic much?!?!
Yet....think about it. How much of your mood is zapped by those things that simply no longer bring you joy or purpose??
There are things I really want to do in my life. Callings I feel very strongly in my life.
Sometimes it is not fear (though that is still a factor for me - don't kid yourself) that is keeping you back, but the simple choice to quit one thing so that your hands are open to pick up another.
I wrote about this already in 2017 (me sitting here at the beginning of day four) that I have a list of what I am calling "straggling" to dos. These are some things that right wrong or indifferent I have stuffed on shelves or in drawers and just did not deal with because it was too hard or too much or maybe I did just want to have that item hanging over me (why?!?!). I will tell you why....once you are done with someone or something...really done...then you are FREE to move on. As in really move on.
Sometimes it is not the fear of letting go or finishing. It is the fear of now I REALLY have to do "x" or step forward into "whatever the heck God is holding for me" on the other side of these things I will not finish...I will not quit.
So...I am not writing this post from a place of wallowing or self pity or woe is me.
I have made my list.
I am walking daily through the horse manure of that list, and I am NOT enjoying it...At. All.
...but I cannot go one more year of letting straggling to dos, fear, and past mistakes keep me from walking in freedom.
So this is more of a I am doing this. I hate it. You can do it. You will hate it too. It is good for us though. POST.
What is your motivation? What is God putting deep in your heart that you just cannot shake?
I know what mine is...and the more I ask about it or run from it, the more God puts people and places and moments and words in front of me to say, "Are you ready yet? I am waiting."
It isn't Thursday, but maybe you need to go quit something today...or make a list of a lot of things you need to quit and start tackling it one by one. Whatever it is that is weighing down your heart...your spirit....and in some ways hurting you physically......be brave and address THAT today. There is freedom on the other side of quitting those things that no longer serve us....and maybe some things that never ever really did.
I love you. I am sending out a lot of love today because this sh*t is hard. Growth sucks. BUT Jesus....my goodness how he loves you...how he loves me. Trust that. Trust him.