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Haiti : June 2013 |
For the first time since that incident, I believe I understand a little of what was happening beneath the surface - both in my heart and in the little boy's heart.
I am broken. Not unfixable or unhealable.....but....yet....I am broken. I have a broken heart. That boy has/d a broken heart. Something in me....something tied to home....is broken inside of me, broke my heart....and I have to figure out what that was/is...and I have to allow healing in that place, in that memory(ies)...because whatever it was still resides in my heart, is still broken, and is still wreaking havoc in my life. There is fear and loss and heartbreak tied to my heart in relation to home.
....and I am ready to let go.
There is the hope.
The fact that I can say those words....that I can feel those words....that I believe them to be true - I am ready to let go - Amen.
Last night I was reading in Romans and came across this...
What a reminder that hope comes from the Holy Spirit. The same Holy Spirit given to us by God - along with joy and peace. In my study Bible it emphasizes (for good measure I am sure) that hope cannot be "conjured up by man's effort...it is God's gift" - God's gift. How beautiful is that?
There is a healing....healing from fear, wounds, confusion....but you have to face the very things that cause them, that allowed them to fester deep in your spirit...you have to be brave and bold...and you must persevere. Holy Spirit come...
I am dreaming of the "What if" - what if on the other side of this good good work, I feel God's healing in these old places, old wounds? What if I can reconcile home and love and letting go? What if???
Those are good
dreams promises to hold onto as I walk through this process of unwinding "home" in my memories...in my heart.
"The greatest mistake one can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." ~ Elbert Hubbard
...time to move into the #nofear zone.
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)