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My friend Zack found texted this to me - found in the creek tonight, he wrote. |
If you think I am crying....You. Are. Right.
*Big Tears Streaming Down My Face*
My God loves me...and he didn't send the hearts to me directly....he chose his foot soldiers...his angels...from different walks of my life (none of these three know each other)...and he used them to send me messages from him to me. Touchstones that I am not forgotten...that I am valuable...and maybe even encouragement to keep going....because The Rock Won't Move.
*Deep Sigh*
I promised that I would document my journey through these months of counseling, and I am fighting my own pride to share what has to be some of the hardest and most embarrassing days of my life. I feel unhinged....well because I am.
I think part of the problem is that while I might have understood I needed a little help to sort some stuff out....I had ZERO idea that I was holding in so much. None. Nada. Zip. It is as if I have given myself permission to Let. It. ALL. Hang. Out. (so to speak) and my mind and body are going ALL in...and I am sitting over here wondering what the hell has happened to me. Seriously. I am asking.
...and somewhere over this past two weeks I think I lost hope. Hope that I was going to make it through this with my wits still about me. Hope that God was going to see me through it. I think God knew two weeks ago as I stood in church what I was headed into...dark seas lay just hours away...and he sent me this song...and even as I felt like I was losing it...I have been listening to this and some others given to me...and the music has helped (#musicismylovelanguage) even though I didn't realize it at the time....but the words were already written on my heart...and my heart was not letting go of them...even when maybe my mind was...
....and then when I finally cried out WHERE ARE YOU??? God answered as only he can....and then I am reminded YET again...The. Rock. Won't. Move. Even when I am wrestling and grieving and sick and stressed and traumatized, God. Is. There.
I don't know what tsunami is crashing over you right now, but I do know that going through it alone SUCKS....but even when you are physically alone, there is one who loves you DEEPLY...and he will remind you...in a song, a photo from a friend, something beautiful in nature that speaks deeply to your heart (that might be your love language with God), a sport, a book, words....whatever it is...seek it out, acknowledge it, be grateful, and ALLOW yourself to feel that love.
Tonight I am feeling the gift of a reprieve. The battle I am in is not over, but for tonight I allowing my heart to be renewed and refreshed by the love of good friends and a God that knows me so intimately. Sometimes a single battle can be won when we simply allow ourselves to be loved.
I want to share a link to the song that saw me through this latest trek...maybe it bring hope and joy into the deepest parts of your heart tonight. You are seen and known and loved. We all are, and that IS the gift...the rock that cannot be undone.
Here is a great version by
Second Students - The Rock Won't Move and I am posting the lyrics below...
The Rock Won't Move
By Vertical Church Band
When the ground beneath my feet gives way
And I hear the sound of crashing waves
All my world is washing out to sea
I'm hidden safe in the God who never moves
Holding fast to the promise of the truth
That You are holding tighter still to me
The Rock won't move and His word is strong
The Rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The Rock won't move and His word is strong
The Rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The Rock of our Salvation
My hope is in the promise of Your blood
My support within the raging flood
Even in the tempest, I can sing
I'm hidden safe in the God who never moves
Holding fast to the promise of Your truth
That You are holding tighter still to me
The Rock won't move and His word is strong
The Rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The Rock won't move and His word is strong
The Rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The Rock of our Salvation
Woah, woah
Woah, the Rock of our salvation
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
The Rock won't move, the Rock won't move
When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
The Rock won't move, the Rock won't move
The Rock won't move and His word is strong
The Rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The Rock won't move and His word is strong
The Rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The Rock of our Salvation
Lead me to the Rock
The Rock that is higher
That is greater
The Rock of our Salvation
Lead me to the Rock
The Rock that is Stronger
That is Stronger
The Rock that is Jesus
The Rock that is Jesus
He will never move
He is faithful
****ADDITIONAL NOTE 5/21/2016 : This morning I started reading Christine Caine's new book Unashamed and was blown away when before the book even starts, she references Isaiah 50:7 which to know me is to know my love of Isaiah, so I went and read it (before going forward) and low and behold as I kept reading (note all of Chapter 50 is amazing)...51:1 "....Look to the rock from which you were cut..." with a footnote directing me to 17:10 "...You have forgotten God your Savior; you have not remembered the Rock, your fortress."....and there you go. I don't know how God works in your life....but in mine...he sends confirmations of three like a lamp unto my feet to let me know I am on the right path (a ding ding ding my daughter rest in this for a moment (how I hear God speak to me sometimes ;) )....so I laugh out loud (whenever it happens) and praise God in the moment because Isaiah has taught me over the years that when God SPEAKS to you and answers PRAYERS (i.e., confirmation in this instance) you PRAISE him in the moment in thanks. Thank you Jesus...you are TOO TOO good to me.****
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)