Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Our Hour of Trial

Have you ever been bemoaning something with a friend and then seconds later in going about your daily tasks, God whacks you over the head with a 2x4?

No?

Just me??

A few minutes ago that happened to me....so I have dropped everything to sit down here and document it...because...well, it is important.

Someone was doing the announcements at church a few weeks ago and mentioned this book CLICK HERE FOR LINK called "Morning and Evening - Devotional by Charles H. Spurgeon, and his comments were such that I ordered it.


This morning I am being texted encouragement by a friend because frankly yesterday felt like a snippet of February 2016, and I just can't even....I mean, my can't even can't even...

I digress.

So as I jokingly stated I had emphasized while doing the Daily Prayer (Extended Version) with John Eldredge (you can do it via this link on the website OR via the Ransomed Heart app - and you can read along, listen to John Eldredge pray it, or both at the same time) to God that...."I need PROTECTION."...{insert nervous laughter}

Right after that text, I open my morning devotional to read Matthew 26:39...

"...and going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed..."

Ummm...Jesus just dropped the mic on me.

I am going through a bit of a trial right now that I cannot speak of here due to confidentiality, I don't know who all reads this, sensitive nature, etc., but let me be clear....the trial is consuming me...and this morning with my friend a prayer came out of me about it that I think stunned her as much as me. In the deepest parts of who I am I want healing...but...BUT what God reminded me of this morning was two things...

1. the healing I seek will impact EVERY aspect of my life....the thing that I am learning impacts me personally, impacts me professionally too....and that is jaw-dropping.

2. it is okay to plead, "My Father, hear my cry."

I'm struggling. Wrestling. It is brutal and ugly. At one point last night, I quite literally shook both fists at the heavens (I was lying in the tub by the way - which is important to note as God and I - we have this thing about the ridiculous) crying out, "aaarrrrggghhhh!!!!!" which is to say it was inaudible.

...but what I was reminded of this morning....is that these conventional and unconventional prayers from me to God are okay...this is part of the journey. In some aspects, I am having to (quite literally) learn how to use my words. I am also learning perseverance....in my prayers. God is in this messy season and this messy situation. I know that. I know that more than I know anything, but the enemy is here too....fighting to keep me from restoration...fighting to keep me broken. It is important to remember that in some very real ways, there is a war happening in my very soul as God and I wrestle some of my deepest places away from the enemy's clutches. Strongholds he has had claim over for decades.

...but I am also learning to leave these prayers at the foot of the cross and release them to the will of God.

...and that is HARD.

"Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." - Matthew 26:39

Yet not as I will, but as you will....

And there is the prayer.

In one verse, Jesus taught us how to pray. Beautifully.

Matthew 26:39
Whatever you are wrestling with today...whatever messy has plopped down on your doorstep...there is healing and release in picking it up and handing it over to God. Using all the words, but then at the end simply saying as you will Lord.

This morning I have pleaded and whined and laughed, but with a deep sigh I am leaving it here with God to do with it as he will...I trust him. Maybe this whole process was him asking me if I did...(God might have just face-palmed right then)...and Jesus...I do. I really really do.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)

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