Wednesday, February 10, 2016

The Deep Desire To Be Needed

I have a deep longing to be needed...by family, friends, and employees. I can't turn it off.


As I sit here on Ash Wednesday contemplating what I will give up and add in over the 40 days of Lent, I feel God confronting me with my own unquenchable desire to be BUSY.

The irony is that I say I hate it, but everything about my life screams I love it.

As I sat down to write earlier, I heard God clearly...that desire you have to be needed....I have it too. I need to be needed on that level by you. 

*Back. The. Bus. Up.*

There is a song by Bethel called "You Know Me" and I am listening to it right now. We say we want to be known. I say that. I believe it. I believe it for you and for me. To be known takes a deeper courage than most of us are willing to admit. To be known by others means to be willing to be misunderstood.

Hmmm....

I feel misunderstood a lot.

I feel like I need to justify my actions...a. lot.

Why is that?

This morning one of my closest tribe, in the C7, had texted our group (overnight) about something they are facing...and I felt the OVERWHELMING need to advise and fix it. It literally bubbled up in my throat, but before I could text, God grabbed my heart and my hands and took me to his words..."...fix your eyes upon me..."

Was that for me or them God?

Both.

....and so Ash Wednesday began....

I have a few 2x4s in my eyes right now that I need to get a crowbar and wedge out over the next 40 days.

*Ugh*

I try not to tell people what to do spiritually....it is kinda one of my pet peeves....but let me say this....gently...dive into Ash Wednesday, dive into Lent, dive into something with God that scares the pants off of you because on the other side of scary is LIFE. Good, good stuff. Relationships that are deeper and richer. Community.

Then....on the other side of all of that GOOD stuff are more lessons, deeper waters, and God easing (okay he pushes sometimes) us into deeper places of healing, lessons, loving, and LIFE.

God gave me January off to breathe....catch my breath...I feel like he moved an army of angels around me to just give me protection from everyone and everything. February 1st though...everything came rushing back....the deeper waters with God and the prowling enemy. I have been drowning for ten days straight....miserably so....

....then this morning God speaks so clearly to me it is as if....well, this relationship with God is a journey, a lesson, a gift.

2016 is going to be some kind of year....if I knew it all now I would crawl in a hole and never come out. It is going to be full of highs and lows, lessons learned, battles won and lost, but what I know to be true above all else is that I don't want my eyes anywhere but on God. I have tried it my way, the world's way, and literally EVERYONE else's way...I only want God's way. Whatever the cost. Whatever the pain (physically/mentally/emotionally). Whatever the loss or gain.

Whatever.

The.

Cost.

*Deep Breath*

Ash Wednesday. I love you. I love that today we get to slow down and just re-adjust our posture, our mind, our heart.

No looking back.

No. Looking. Back.

*If you are looking for a great read during Lent, I recommend pre-ordering John Eldredge's new book Moving Mountains. Link is HERE.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)

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