Thursday, September 24, 2015

Another Fragile Edge



I started writing last night, stopped midway through a post, gave up, went to bed.

I sit here this morning trying to begin again.

I loved the title...so I kept it (see above), but I hated the words...whiny, nonsensical words. So....they are all gone to the Netherlands of where writers send their thoughts banished via the delete key.

*Deep Sigh*

When I was little I would swing...and swing...and swing. I remember loving to watch the clouds roll by and see the different pictures in their various shapes. I remember listening to leaves rustle and a dog barking or cow mooing in the background. I remember seeing my father come around the corner of our farmhouse. I remember my mother hollering through the screen door on the back porch off the kitchen. I remember...some days...I remember EVERYTHING.

Yesterday I lost my religion, and by that I mean I lost my sh*t. A client lied to my employees, then my business partner, and finally to me. They had been lying for weeks. It was more painful because it came right after some of the best news my partner and I could have imagined for our firm. Like...within 15 minutes.

I can't even.

I know that many people would respond with that is life. That is what it means to be an entrepreneur. Put your big girl panties on. Welcome to real life. And ALL of that.

No.

Life can be better. I can be better.

"One of the strangest quirks of our life here on this planet
 
is the fact that the one face we hardly ever see is the one

closest to us: our own. As we move about in the world

every day, our face is always right before us and always

just beyond us. Somebody could write a fairy tale about

that. It would be an allegory for how rarely we see ourselves,

who we truly are, the good and the bad. But in

unexpected moments we get a sideways glance, as when

passing by a plate-glass window downtown, and most of

the time we don’t like much what we see.


Notice how we are in elevators: No one makes eye

contact. No one wants to acknowledge that we are seeing

and being seen. In a moment of forced intimacy,

almost claustrophobic intimacy, we pretend we aren’t

even there. The reason? Most times we just don’t know

what to do with what we see. About ourselves, I mean.

It doesn’t take a Nobel Prize winner to know that something

dreadful has happened to the human race. So we

stare at the ceiling or our shoes; we watch the numbers

report the passing floors; we hide. This is how most

of us approach our entire lives—we hide what we can,

work on what we feel is redeemable, and despise the rest.
 

 There is a better way.


Whether you are aware of it or not, you crave goodness. In the depths of your

being, you ache for goodness; we all do. Our souls long

for a sense of wholeness, and goodness is essential for

wholeness. We are made for goodness like we are made

to breathe, like we are made to love. Goodness is the

strength of our condition. Friends, you are going to need

a deep and profound goodness for all that is coming at

you like a freight train."

 
The above is the opening chapter to "Utter Relief of Holiness" by John Eldredge. The book has been re-released under a new title "Free To Live" and let me state this as clear as possible...the book is a Game. Changer.
 
I was filled to the rim with goodness yesterday...towards everyone including myself and in the span of 30 minutes the enemy had me in a headlock. Took. Me. Out.
 
That is how it works.
 
....and just like that another fragile edge of myself is laid bare in front of me and anyone within ear shot.
 
I am not na├»ve. I know that life is hard and mean people are out there, but I also know that we have been given the ability (albeit not the gift) of self-control. It is our choice whether or not to use it.
 
A friend of mine was drunk-dialing me last night (and I was not in a good head space) and then again this morning (tied up), and when I finally was able to call her back she needed me to walk her off the ledge....she had heard all of these people jibber-jabbering about the pope and politicians and just bashing both...but something she overheard was curious...seems they were particularly upset because the pope had said "The Creator" instead of "God"...seriously?!?! Did you know there are 900+ variations of God in the Bible? Ways that God referred to himself or others did. 900+. How do I know? Google. Now I like a good debate as good as the next person and I am not catholic, but were they for real? 
 
People.
 
They will know us by our love.
 
 "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." - John 13:35
 
My fellow Christians....they don't know we love Jesus  and that we belong to him and that the Bible is true and beautiful and real....because we don't love others well, we don't love ourselves well, we don't love fellow believers well. We. Don't. Love. Well.
 
They will know us by our love.
 
I had no real words of advice for my friend but this...respond in grace with facts. Don't respond in anger. Don't lash out with words questioning their intelligence. Don't compound ignorance with anger.
 
....and my face flashes crimson.
 
I lost my sh*t yesterday, but you know what I also did...later after hours I sent a private text to the witnesses of my outburst with an apology for losing it in front of them (no matter the reasons). You know what they did? They replied back with no worries...we love you....and one sent a response in Pig Latin that I did not understand but made me LOL...he explained it this morning when we all came in.
 
You know what that is called my friends?
 
Grace. Goodness. Growth.
 
I may have found another fragile edge last night, but you want to know what else I found...my people...locking arms...to catch me....in love.
 
The world is hard. People lie. Mean people are everywhere. Religions vary. Politicians are (shockingly) politicians. Opinions differ.
 
Love can permeate and neutralize all of it. ALL of it.
 
Respond in love today to whoever needs it...and let me just say from someone who knows....start with the person looking back at you in the mirror. That person is doing okay...give them a fist bump.
 
Yesterday I really HEARD this song for the first time "Hot Gates" by Mumford and Sons and let me say the meaning is perfect...today. Don't look away from the tough stuff. The tough stuff is a disguise for the GOOD stuff. I don't know about you, but bless my heart....I want more of the tough stuff because I am addicted to the good stuff I find in it.
 
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)