Saturday, April 25, 2015

The Box

I moved again.

Dramatic pause. 

It is the final time (I hope) before I find a resting place for my soul...and my body. The story is long, and I will tell it...when I am strong enough. Too raw still. God. What a jokester.

In dramatic fashion, because I seem to roll that way much as I detest it and even more so detest admitting it...but in a matter of three and a half days, I did a 180 degree turn right....more like a 240 degree, but I digress...

So....I am still unpacking stuff...stuff I was unpacking before now co-mingled with new stuff, and I am doing all of this in the midst of the most insane 30 days of my 2015 because I think 11 days of straight travel in four cities, four planes, and one car is COMPLETELY normal only because it was preempted by five days of travel in two cities, one vehicle, and a full-on stomach bug nightmare that culminated with projectile vomiting on the side of the road while my dear friend apologized that her friend was ruining someone's beautiful (looked new before I struck) driveway on a back road in Tennessee. #bless

So....today on a two day hiatus from the crazy of this 30 day span is the day God whispered, "Open the box."

Shit.

The box is one that I have had for several years marked private. Only two people were aware of it's existence and for the past three and a half years it has been stuffed in the back of my closet in my workshop in the hollow collecting dust. It contains stuff I am not proud of, journals, letters, photos of a time I don't want to think of full of smiling faces who are strangers to me now, handwritten last wills and testament sorts of stuff. It is a classic Heather box in many ways and in others, a box of past shame. What can I say...I am a walking conundrum. When I got to the workshop a few weeks ago, I immediately went to it. Duct taped it like it was a bomb and stuffed it first into the pile of stuff to bring home. Why? Because it was time. Bon fire material? Maybe. Absolution? Confrontation? What?? I didn't know. I just knew it was time. God said.

As soon as I got home, I stuffed it on a shelf to "deal with later" I told my Sis.

Oh boy.

Later came this morning.

"Open the box Heather."

No tears. Good. This is going to be okay. I quickly filled up a trash bag of what I knew I never ever ever ever ever wanted to see again. No need to get mushy there. Over. Done. But there laid a giant ziplock bag full of goodies I neither wanted to quickly toss nor could. God wouldn't let me. 


I went and sat on my bed and opened it up...out fell photos, journals, letters, and reminders of a Heather I only vaguely remember. I cracked (literally) open the first journal and started reading...a few pages in, I was done. Opened another and another. I neither felt anything nor had any outward emotions. This wasn't good. I needed closure. Right? Right??? I looked at the pictures again...thumbing through faces that looked young...much younger...and naïve. Unbelievably naïve. Then I saw it...a letter I had written to an old love, but it wasn't a love letter...it was more of a good-bye letter. A good-bye letter I had written ironically at the beginning of the relationship and one never given to him. One can only imagine why right...back from our first date...here..all the reasons this isn't going to work.

I wish now I had given him that letter.

Sometimes we want something too much...for too long...and we simply kill it. Dead. It is over before it even starts because we just simply want it so badly it can never be what we made it up to be in our head...what others wanted it to be for us. It just simply can't be. I will never again wait. Not for a moment. To tell someone I love them. I need them. Lets be together. If they don't, can't, won't the same with/for me...then I will turn and walk away. Quickly. This. This I have learned with all of my heart and soul. Because to stay is to succumb to watching that same love die right before you like drying paint. Slowly. Dying a little more each day...and as it does, so do you.

I have loved two men in my life. Deeply. Both of them broke my heart. Shattered it in all truth. One gave me wings and the other roots. The irony is that I lost both the men, the wings, and the roots. Have I mentioned I don't do things halfway? or small?

I lost them and their gifts to me because God needed the time and space to restore my heart and to give me those gifts anew...from him. There is something to be said for the Phoenix that rises from the ashes as I can remember not believing I could recover from either loss both bookending my adulthood and leaving such vast wounds, but I did...I have. God is good that way.

Time doesn't heal wounds. God does.

Just sayin'.

The truth is that I have spent most of my adulthood trying to fill the gaping wounds left from a devastating childhood spent reeling after a divorce I could not understand and responsibilities thrust upon me I was not mature enough for at 9, 10 years of age. I simply was ill-equipped for the life my parents gave me and once an adult, I was so wounded and angry and confused...well, I was a mess. A walking hot mess that projected anything but that to the world around me. Whenever anyone did get close enough to sniff it out on me...I ran or they ran...somebody was running. Fast.

I have spent the past three and a half years working HARD with God to unwind the walking wound that is Heather. It hasn't been easy or pretty. There have been setbacks. Major ones. God has face-planted himself on more than one occasion, and I think there is a pretty good chance that if awards are given out in heaven (which they won't be), I am definitely in the running for giving God the biggest headache. I mean...what a mess I am. Just when he thinks he has made progress with me, I disappoint...not a little, but a LOT. I am hard to love. Even for God. Thing is...he does. More than anything, and it is that unconditional love by an ever-present God that has helped me make it through to today. To this bed looking through memories of a time in my life I just knew would last forever, was the culmination of all of my hard work and pain, was my happily ever after...Finally. Douche. I landed in those years broken and slammed up against others as broken, if not more so, as me. Wow. That was a truth-moment.

Two broken people don't make a whole one, they just cut each other to pieces. I have cut a lot of people in my life's journey. I turn 44 next week. I am only truly proud of about 12 of those years. That is as hard to write as you might think it is. But today...today, I am proud of who God is making me into. The person I was meant to be all of those years ago before everyone in my life "dropped their baskets" and then I followed suit and dropped my own.

You cannot love others until you truly love yourself.

You cannot give grace until you truly know grace for yourself.

You cannot give hope until you know hope.

You cannot live your truth when you are hiding from others...yourself....God...lies.

You cannot show people God when you don't know God...in you. As you.

Saying good-bye is the one thing I hate most in this world. It brings out all of my old hurts from a childhood full of important people always saying good-bye never to return. In the last few years I have lost some of the most important people in my life as my growth forced me to make decisions about who was healthy for me and who wasn't. Others left on their own, and I understood. So much so. You can forgive people, but that doesn't mean that can stay in your life. That took me over 40 years to understand. Today, I am going to burn a box of memories and say good-bye. I am not alone though because God is sitting with me even now as I type. He is watching me glance over at photos, wiping away the occasional tear, and reminding me that I am his beloved. His beauty.


Allow me a digression...

I am in my final year of a three year purge....and let me say that as hard the act of purging is...giving things away, throwing stuff away, selling, or whatever it is...you cannot move forward as long as you have shackles of the past hanging around your neck, latched around your ankles, clasped on your wrists...or even piercing your heart. I truly believe God is walking me through this purge in preparation for something of which I do not know, but what I do know is that if I don't do it...I am going to miss out on something amazing, but also, I am not going to ever experience full healing from the messy childhood, confusing 20s, and finally my driven 30s. I am determined that my 40s will be different. Whether God is preparing me for someone or something, I want to finally be able to say yes with my whole, healthy heart....arms free to grasp them or it....legs free to walk, no run to them or it. I have hurt people. People have hurt me. I don't want either of those truths to be my legacy. I am fighting for my heart. Fighting to give it 100% to God to do with or give to whatever or whomever he wants...His turn. I'm done fighting for my way. His way or nothing.

Sorry.

I digress from time to time...

Today I am not saying good-bye easily, but I do say it peacefully. The woman in those photos and those pages was searching for answers in all of the wrong people and places. I don't need these reminders...the health scares, the loneliness, the efforts to claim a do-over that was doomed from the start, the dreams...all the good stuff is in my heart and the rest I gave up a long time ago. The truth is that I am not really saying good-bye to all of that (I already have awhile ago...maybe that is why no tears today). What I am really saying good-bye to is my need to go back to 9 years old and start again. I spent literally years trying to do that. I just squished up and rubbed my face really, really hard.

Deep Breath.

That's it. I am saying good-bye to the dream of a do-over life. I don't need to start all the way over. I just need to start from here. It isn't about a different family. A different home. Different choices. It is simply about today. What am I choosing today?

Thursday of last week I was asked to speak at a luncheon to a group of amazing women about negotiating as a women and as I like to say, how I have seen both sides now (as the Joni Mitchell song goes) of being a woman in business and leadership. A woman I have known for over 10 years came up and hugged me after and said, "I loved the old Heather, but I really really love this new Heather." and I squeezed her tight and whispered back in her ear, "Thank you so much. Me too."

The truth is that I didn't like myself awwww.....for about 32 years of my life (9ish to 40-41), and I spent a considerable amount of energy disguising that fact. The bigger truth is that I really didn't know who I was so you can't like what don't even know. Now can you.

I may have 40 more years on this earth or 40 minutes, but as long as God gives me breath, I am going to spend my time learning and being true to myself while also honoring the truths of those around me. I am so tired of looking backwards...there is absolutely nothing left for me there. My truth lies in front of me...the life I live, the people I love, the breaths I take, the experiences I savor, the books I have to read, places to see, joy to spread, change to help create, strangers to make friends, friends to make tribe, but mostly a God to learn more about and love more deeply a little more each day. Where I have been has brought me to here. It is no road less traveled, it is a road well worn, full of regrets and shame, mistakes, lessons, love - gained and lost, experiences, beauty, ugliness, mean people, a little girl, a confused and angry young woman, a driven woman, a poser, a friend, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a sinner, and a beauty.

You haven't walked in my moccasins nor I yours, but trust that just like yours...my journey to get to here has been somethan.

That it has.

Thank you Jesus.


Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Sunday, April 19, 2015

The Beauty and Lessons In Touchstones

Within the past few weeks, I have consciously felt God bringing me back to touchstones from my past 43 years of life. Places, things, people, and when it happens (like a Deja vu feeling), something (or someone) will happen where I know that God is there in that moment and he wants me to remember. Every. Single. Time.

The past two days, my friend Jen and I have been in Leiper's Fork, Tennessee, for our annual girl's trip. It is a different trip for us as it is longer than we have done in the past and bleeding into our work week (couple of workaholics here). The whole trip was planned around Diana Krall's show in Nashville as we both fell in love with Diana Krall's music around the same time and still love it. Her music is a relaxation point for two people who move at full throttle. The setting also happens to be where I spent a year of my life, Nashville, and the house we are renting is in the quaint little hideaway of Leiper's Fork which is everything a small town should be, and in your dreams, is...and as it is protected by certain Tennessee laws, it literally has not changed in the 15 years since I lived in Nashville and spent weekends roaming this area.




So...Nashville, Leiper's Fork, friendships (many whom I won't even get to see this trip to my dismay), and my journey/life post-Nashville are all being laid out bare for me (and I am about 24 hours in).

God. I see you.

I see you in the redbud tree with the heart-shaped leaves blooming right in front of me even as I type. I see you in the rolling hills of bright green grass (we seriously landed here on the most perfect weekend in the area all year). I see you in the faces of those that remember me and the ones who don't, but hug me like they do as they are pure sweetness. I see you in the birds whose chirping has not ceased for one single second since we arrive. It is a symphony. I see you in the new life that has been born in my absence. Miss V is simply a dream. I also see you in the pain that I have missed. I see you in the old dreams that once ran strong for me here...a front porch just like this where I would swing and write and breathe. I see you in my friend as we squeeze a year's worth of happenings into this few days. I see you in the changes in us...spiritually and physically. You are working in her, and it is so clear to me as I have seen that look in my own reflection when you were in the throws of something with my own heart. I see you in the breeze that has blown for 24 hours straight that feels like you are bringing fresh life into my lungs. What are you up to? I am wondering. My heart is fluttering a bit. I saw you on the drive to pick up Jen as songs from an old playlist that I hadn't touched in three years played and you gave me fresh ears for the words and melodies. What are you up to? I wonder again.

When you feel God moving, stop...look...listen. He is up to something. I am siting here very still on this old porch swing grinning because something is coming...there is a bird that won't shut up...another sign. I am breathing deeply.

Peace.

I can feel a fresh peace washing over my heart.

Maybe it is just the beauty and serenity of a couple of days away in a beautiful place.

I know better.

It is that....and oh so much more. I simply can't hear him until I stop for a hot New York minute.

Last night in the shower as the water fell over me, I thought of all of the places I lived...the people I have had the blessing to meet...the lives who have touched mine...the adventures. The journey isn't over, but the ride to here has not been all bad or even half bad. I would like a couple of do-overs, but if I got those, I would have missed so much. If I had stayed in Nashville, I wouldn't have met Jen.  What a HUGE loss for my life. Her friendship has been such a blessing.

The roads not taken.

Sometimes I hope that there is a day when God will bring me to a little house surrounded by green grass and water, a porch with a beautiful swing, and neighbors who I know deeply and truly and who know me the same. I want for that and long for that, but the ride continues...I need to come to grips with these touchstones of my past. Remember the roads I have taken. Experience the gratitude. Make some peace with past choices and mistakes.

The next door is ahead of me...I can see it in the distance. I just have some things to do before he lets me go through it.

This feels good though....smiling with pure joy at the touchstones of my past. Saying a little prayer over each of them as I pass. Giving them back to God for what they were. There is a reason for these moments he is giving me...


This post feels so unfinished...funny how right now that feels okay too.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The Art of Vulnerability


Tonight as I was on the phone with one of my C7 just baring our poor, sweet souls...it hit me....there is a true art to vulnerability.

The thing is...it is that type of art that looks like a Sherwin Williams store exploded in a room. Exploded.

I think I am so sick and tired of us all trying to get shame and vulnerability "right." I mean really??!!! Hell, it took most of us 40 years (ummm...just me?? :)) to succumb to the act of even showing vulnerability...now we have to do it "right"...Just. Right.

I don't think so.

Look.

It is hard. It is ugly or at a minimum not Instagram-cute. It is raw and messy and dirty.

I have been trying for two weeks to write about the simple fact that I had misplaced my joy, and I simply couldn't do it. I couldn't write about it. I was terrified that people would go there it is...she has lost it or she is depressed or whatever...so I suffered in silence. Silence.

....and that is how the enemy got me. Bam!

So he sent a big hornet's to my front door yesterday in the form of a friend and then a foe, and God waited...and in the midst of those two situations he reminded me that HE was in control. HE was there. HE heard me. AND...my joy literally bubbled up inside of me and came out as giggles in the most inopportune moment. That is how my God works. #bless

Guess what?

I don't have this figured out.

Don't worry. I know you don't have it figured out either. None of you. Whether you are Jennie Allen or my Sis or Jen Hatmaker or one of my C7 or a complete stranger. None of you have it figured out.

AND....that is the dadgum point. You can't do this. I can't do this. ONLY he can do this. We are but a vessel. Whether it is in having the right words for a friend. Handling a touchy situation. Finding your joy. Making a career decision. Whatever it is, it is HIS to handle. The big lie is that free will means he is giving us wisdom and control...and he is, but it is so we will choose him...give it up to him...love him. NOT so we will do it all; have it all; be it all.

I mean really?!?!

Are you with me?

Have you fed this lie to yourself...like DAILY...that it is on your shoulders to "get it" right?

Yesterday when my friend needed me and e-mailed me, my first thought after reading her e-mail was, "I don't know what to do with that. I got nothing." and closed my e-mail. Next. A few seconds later, God had me re-open it, read it again, hit reply, and start typing...not my words, but his. Because I, in my wise, human self had NOTHING to offer her, but I was only needed to be the vessel for God to speak to her. Not my words; his words.

I confessed all of this to her tonight as she died laughing through tears on the other end of the phone.

The further truth is that she knew the answer before she even e-mailed, but she needed confirmation...and God gave it to her.

...and the circle continues.

We don't need each other to say the right things or do the right things or be the right things. We need each other to operate as conduits for God's heart and voice to come through for each other.

Being vulnerable...really vulnerable...means walking into that space completely open - open arms, open hearted, open minded...and just letting God show himself...through you...to others.

That is terrifying.

When Peter stepped out of the boat to get to Jesus waving from the shore (after the resurrection) he walked...for just a moment, but he walked on water...until he remembered who he was and forgot who Jesus was...he didn't lose his enthusiasm though...but he had already forgotten the lessons...so Jesus reminded Peter, and all of them, of the point. You are vessels to share my story, my death, my resurrection...for the breadth and depth of your life. Peter was worried about Jesus' love, his own death, the death of others...I mean that poor man took forever to get it (sounds familiar). None of that matters, for you Peter are just a vessel for me.

I am reading and studying Peter a lot right now via Sunday church and Bible Studies...and it just tears me up...I weep and laugh because Peter is so relatable to me and so many of us. He is just the example of all of our so-human struggles. Bless him. I just love Peter, and I didn't always...learning true grace and what that means has led me to love Peter more...as I am learning to love myself more. Funny how that works.

So lets all make a pact that we are not going to worry about getting all of this newfound vulnerability just right. Instead we are just going to encourage each other to continue to live their truth with not only others, but for the love of all that is good and holy...live their truth with themselves. With. Myself.

I got my joy back yesterday. I am still a teary mess (can cry at a drop of a hat). I am still struggling with some wounds (old and new). I am still terrified from time-to-time. I still want more of what I don't have in relationships and work and tribe. I am still growing and struggling. God reminded me that this is messy though...and even in the messy he is there and I can laugh there too (not simply cry) and that is okay. I'm okay.

Thank you for those that come to this space and laugh and cry and pray with me. Growth sucks; no doubt. Growth is also awesome, and I am tickled pink to be at this place in my walk and in my life. It has been hard-fought and worth everything. I hope you feel the same about your own.

We are just holding hands and walking each other home.


Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

My Heart Spilled Over


Sometimes my heart is simply TOO full.

Full of emotions and junk and questions. 

Sometimes my heart is too full to talk to God. 

*Ouch*

I simply don't know how to talk or express or explain or lean into him. 

Those are hard days. 

Isn't that simply ridiculous???

What is worse is when you feel guilty for it...like these are "good" days and so you don't have permission to claim they feel hard.

Good. Grief.

I am there.

Right there.

I am post-Lent. I should be ecstatic. Ecstatic. I'm not though. I am stressed and worried and unsettled and questioning and everything feels HARD right now. Not in the Lent way, but in a LIFE way.

I know. I know. Deep. :/

We don't talk enough about these days or seasons where life isn't joyous or full of drama, it is simply bleh. No one wants to talk about the bleh. 

I miss God in these moments...these days. I have been trying to find reassurance for these BIG feelings in my tribe or Sis or my business partner, but their assurances are falling short...because they are not God. 

I need God.

It took just a colossal ick situation at the office today for me to slide down a wall to the floor and head in my hands, cry out to Jesus. I simply have to have Jesus in me, with me, surrounding me, and immersing me 24/7. I have spent a week post-Lent disillusioned because somehow I made it about my ability to "snap back" and be "okay" after Lent. Go back to before, but you can't..I can't. It doesn't work that way. The point is to be completely dependent upon Jesus always. Like as in ALWAYS. The point is to sacrifice with the addition and subtraction of worldly numbing agents every day as we walk closer and closer to him.

He is my joy. 

I left him outside the tomb Easter Sunday. I forgot to have breakfast with him on the beach. Isn't that why Jesus did that...wasn't it those visits post-resurrection to the men and women who would spread his word that he used to remind them this isn't the end but the beginning. I'm not here, but yet I am with you always. Don't go back to your old jobs, you have new jobs. 

I feel pretty foolish right now. Eyes red from tears that fall as a result of my short-sightedness.

The cross and resurrection were the confirmation of the old story, the old law, the prophecy. Breakfast on the beach was the promise of a future with him...the work to be done...and a promise that they would be called to sacrifice too. It was the future. I was so busy celebrating the conclusion of Lent and the gift of the cross and resurrection, that I forgot my part. I have a part. He is still here. In. Me. 

A friend today emailed a prayer request. I responded back with what God immediately put on my heart and typed without thought. Not my words; his words. He is in me. God is with us; within us. 

I love Lent and Easter, but the best part is the promise and the breakfast and the charge to us. Spread the word, do my will, abide with me in you, sacrifice, and remember...Me.

I'm sorry, but it simply doesn't get any better than that....and I nearly missed it...again. 

My heart spilled over today...God has been waiting for it...and for me. Finally.*

*Disclaimer: I cause God to faceplant a lot. 

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Lessons of Lent

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I have been thinking of this post nearly every day of the last 40 as I have endured my first season of Lent. Now that it is here, I am so tired...so in awe...so in awe of my Jesus....that I don't know that I can give a "Lessons of Lent" post justice.

So forgive me...if this is not as inspiring as you feel it should be...

I closed out the season of Lent with new and unexpected challenges at work...more changes in my personal life....another major "event" in the three-year purge I end this year (2015)...and a reminder that there is family and there is FAMILY. Mostly I learned that if I simply give it all up to God...every day...every moment...every worry...He will meet me there...Every. Time....and while he will not negate the hard, he will stand by me through it to the point that I am surprised...Every. Time....by him and me both.

*Deep Sigh*

The truth is that I have whined my way through Lent. The Bible speaks of quiet endurance. That I am not. I have not...Been. Bless my heart. Mainly bless those that love me as they have endured such keen observations as, "Did you know that Lent is HARD?!?!" Deep thoughts over here. LOL :)))

Amidst all of my whining, God has been teaching me....as much to my surprise as it might be to yours. He has taught me that all of us need humor in the struggles. Life is hard. He taught me that being vulnerable and honest is not simply annoying to others (and sometimes it is), but that even more it connects us. We are ALL struggling through stuff in our lives. It is sometimes nice to know we are not alone in that.

God has taught me that facing my fears...facing past mistakes....facing the enemy head on...is easier with a tribe...with my people. Long before I determined tribe amongst my "people" there was a tribe of three little kids (brother and sisters) who conquered the world....two of us are left in that little tribe....and with one's husband and three amazing kids....we make a new tribe of six...and let me tell you, I will put our tribe of six against the devil himself. We show up for each other...even in the hard stuff, and let me tell you that we have shared some dark, tough stuff as of late, but there in the midst...they/we and God are there. I couldn't be more grateful. Truly.

God showed me what the end of my Lent needed to look like, but I couldn't see how it would happen, and then he finally convinced me to share with my Sis...and poof it all started falling into place. Like. A. Miracle.

The kids asked Sis what in the world was going on with Aunt Heather?? Her simple answer..."She is trying to find her happy place." and the truth is that is more true than even she knows...I am in search of the path and place God wants me...where my life adds value to the kingdom instead of value to my "life" and that is HARD. It is hard to do and hard to explain and even harder to understand (bless my friends and tribe for trying).

I digress.

The lessons...

  • Sacrifice is good for your heart and your life.
  • Sacrifice is hard.
  • We all have "numbing" mechanisms built into our lives...work, alcohol, food, hobbies, drugs, volunteer work, cleaning...anything that you are using to "numb" yourself from dealing with whatever in life is confronting you any given moment.
  • There is the family you are born into and the family whom God grafts into your life; sometimes they are one and the same, and sometimes they are not. Pay attention. It matters.
  • Rose-colored glasses once broken cannot be repaired, and the result is called GROWTH.
  • #growthsucks
  • Jesus never leaves our side. Never.
  • Never. Ever.
  • Ever.
  • We have a greater capacity for pain than we know.
  • We have a greater capacity for fear than we know.
  • Often the two are correlated.
  • They both generally come from one person.
  • The Enemy.
  • Jesus allows fear and pain, but it is not his core nature.
  • Don't confuse Jesus and Satan; they are not the same. No matter what Satan whispers.
  • You can survive a broken heart.
  • The old tales about one month for every year or one year for every year...listen to them; surviving a broken heart means taking the time to heal, figuring out how it happened, and learning from it.
  • Did I mention #growthsucks ???
  • Good work in this life is important, but a good life is more valuable.
  • It is a lot harder to build a good life than it is to do good work.
  • I have done some really great work in my life, but I haven't always worked to build a great life.
  • God is teaching me the difference and how to build the latter.
  • His way; not mine.
  • Forgiveness is harder than anyone explains.
  • I am a Forgiveness Master, and I still SUCK at it.
  • Take that for what it is worth.
  • Jesus loves me...Any. Way.
  • Any. Way.
  • I desire to be truly holy more than I desire to be truly right.
  • Realizing that in the middle of Lent has Changed. My. Life.
  • God. Is. Good.
  • All. The. Time.
  • I thought I was a good Christian; I was wrong.
  • I thought I was a good friend; I was wrong.
  • I thought I was a good fill-in-the-blank; I was wrong.
  • God makes all things new though...and I can do and be better.
  • I will do and be better.
  • By the grace of God, I am better.
  • I cannot fully comprehend what Jesus did for me.
  • I sit here and am not sure I ever will.
  • I am okay with that.
  • My "job" is not to understand.
  • I am not a "Good Christian" BUT I am a fantastic student and child of The King.
  • A Learner.
  • A Worshiper.
  • A Tribe Builder.
  • I love Jesus with my WHOLE heart.
  • I am in awe at how I have half-assed my love for him for so many of the past 43 years.
  • He loves me ANYWAY.
  • I am a student.
  • I am so in love with his Word.
I could go on and on and on....

Truly.

Lent has been awe-inspiring, and I will never again not take full advantage of the opportunity to participate in this season. It has been such a gift to learn more about something I simply was not taught growing up, and I have loved being a student of it these past 40 days. I am tremendously grateful to friends and family and strangers who sent me information, shared their past experiences, and simply encouraged me along the way. I am especially grateful to those who helped me laugh at myself on the hard days when the whining was INTENSE. Thank you to them for loving me anyway.

As darkness falls on this Easter/Resurrection Morning, I am in awe of the gift of the life I have been given. I am simply the luckiest girl alive. I have people who love me WELL. I have a full LIFE. I have an amazing TRIBE that love and challenge me. Mostly, I have a God who loves me WELL..Every. Single. Day.

I hope that you have had a beautiful season of Lent. I hope the lessons have been many and life-changing. I hope your relationship with God has deepened through it. I hope your life ahead is forever changed. I hope you know you are loved.

He Is Risen

He. Is. Risen.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)