It is a toss up.
*Insert Big Uncomfortable Laugh Here*
Well....we are here. I am here. This is it.
The final day.
I remember back in late July/early August when I mapped out the rest of the year in a glorified plan of how it was all going to go with a nice wrap-up in December all easy-peasy and matter-of-fact.
*Insert Eye Roll*
Someone shoot me next time I do that...I annoy myself.
I have skidded, free-falled, careened, rolled, and literally nose-dived into this final day. December has been a BEAST! The week of the closets was so easy it most certainly set me up for over-confidence and failure for the week of my books. BUT that isn't true, because I did closets last (i.e., the week after) thinking that those were going to SLAY me. I had a week blocked out - it took me a day (a night actually). Say what?!?!?! Good thing...I spent the rest of the week back on books. *Insert Eye Roll* I am still shipping out books that I am "gifting" to others....yup, you read that right....still. STILL. I have literally been working on my books since November 30th.
Kill. Me. Now.
So....this is where I stand at 6 a.m. the morning of my final day....
- Jeep is full of MORE packages to mail to others (i.e., gifting). UPS is my new BFF.
- There are plenty of non-book packages still to ship and they are some special, special treasures that I have prayed and prayed and prayed over waiting until the very end to send (the truth is that there are a lot of items I am gifting that I still love very much, but they are no longer really "mine" or for me - it's complicated).
- Still a few stacks of books - to keep (put up in shelves) and box up to mail/gift.
- One tub in the living room that is so horrific to deal with I have been covertly moving it from room to room throughout the purge to avoid it which is to say oh it is in this room now so I will deal with it that day/week. *Insert Eye Roll*
- Three boxes for the kids that are "special" plus another one that God put on my heart just this week (which is a good thing since I have been praying to God for FOUR months as to who should get this particular set of treasures). No God that was NOT sass that possibly you waited until the VERY last minute to answer that particular prayer. Yes sir, I will be taking a knee, yup two knees, at the altar Sunday begging for forgiveness for that one. *Deep Sigh*
- Four boxes to ship that are going to take special "handling" and that is all I am going to say about those. *Chest Tightening Here*
- A box of stuff for Sis that needs to be gone through one more time.
- Miscellaneous small piles.
Now...there is also a (small...LOL) punch list still at my office which is more like I might actually pull the trigger on that match idea and light one in the pile of four boxes sitting by my desk. *Insert Nervous Laughter (or is that diabolical) Here*
|A snapshot of the evil that is my iPhone (photo from last night).|
Oh and because I know myself all too well, I scheduled professional house cleaners to come this afternoon for a three hour deep cleaning of my home because number one - I need the ADDITIONAL pressure cooker to be finished today (or at least have it all loaded in my jeep by the time they arrive) AND I have earned (paying) someone else to clean this place after all of this...*Insert Breaking Arm Patting Myself On The Back* (don't judge me...LOL)
So this little schedule and punch list of joy means that the "joy test" (how ironic *Insert Eye Roll*) will be taking place tonight beginning around 4-5 p.m. depending on the house cleaners. So...in my infinite wisdom (LOL) I have decided to purchase myself a bottle of the liquor store's best champagne, put on my favorite pajamas, and dive in....moving through my home room-by-room (drawer/cabinet/shelf) and touching every single thing I still hold in my possession and asking the question...I am doing the joy test on every item even if I am still up to ring in the new year (which by the way hasn't happened in about 4 or 5 years). Anything left to ship out or donate from it will be placed in the jeep and taken care of on Saturday (since Friday is a holiday).
I know what you are thinking....that punch list above is going to take you half a day?!?! Oh my yes...and you naïve little reader...OH. YES! I think you need to re-read how long I have been on books...a few stacks?!?! Yup that is going to take a bit. ;) Plus somewhere in the middle of that I have a couple of actual "work" to dos to complete with my business partner.
I had to go refill my coffee cup (it is now 6:30 a.m., and I have been up since shortly after 4 a.m., and this is my third or fourth cup of coffee).
The truth is that I had originally blocked out a lot of time for the joy test (which continued to get squeezed due to work demands and of course did I mention books have been a time-suck??), but I think this ending and time allotment (being forced upon me) is perfect. First, it is not going to allow me to dawdle, which the book I took the idea from frowns upon anyway, but I can see me struggling with that...AND....it allows me to end this year, this three years, this season...in JOY. Lets be honest.....the past three (or four) years have been plagued by loss, change, and the amount of stuff I have purged (I will share some statistics in a post later/after completed) borders on the obscene. Just the act of walking through my home and taking stock of what remains....well, there is some further healing and beauty in that...the fact that I will be in my pajamas with a glass of champagne in my hand...well, that isn't going to hurt either... ;)
So...enough procrastinating....it is time to get after it.
I am not sure if that is a statement or a question.
I am not the same person inside or out that I was when this started....and like all things you both love and hate....saying good-bye is/will be difficult. There is no part of my life - physical, emotional, spiritual, or mental that this purge has not touched. Everything has been fair game. Everything.
When God says, "Are you ready to do it my way now?" A word of advice....weigh your answer carefully...take a deep breath....then answer. I wouldn't change my answer, but I laughingly wonder now if I shouldn't have taken a deep breath first. ;) God has taken me on the ride of a lifetime, and I know deep in my heart that all of this is simply a precursor to the bigger plans he has for my life in the days, weeks, months, and years to come.
*I am getting ahead of myself*
If you see this post today, I would simply ask that you say a prayer for me - mind/body/soul - because this might be the longest day of my life (to date). I am committed to be faithful to finishing this race well.
Also, thank you will never be enough. In just the past 24 hours, I have received some of the sweetest handwritten notes, text messages, instant messages, e-mails from friends, family, readers....like little angels you are all lifting me up and helping me across the finish line. If I had a nickel for every single time I have weighed the idea of giving up, I could retire today on Fiji. You don't do something like this alone. Not really. You need cheerleaders....you need angels. I have the VERY best heaven could assign to me. No...thank you will never be enough.
Well....this is it. Now...they all bowed their heads in prayer. :) ;)
**If you haven't watched/listened to "The Unmaking" by Nichole Nordeman yet, click HERE. I am not just saying this because it has become the theme song for the #threeyearpurgefest - it REALLY is the very best song. BUT should you take the time and read the lyrics of this song (the video also does that), you will be reading the story of my life from that cold January day in 2012 until now...and let me be clear....on the dawn of the final day of this specific journey, I can ABSOLUTELY "see the stars" and they are GLORIOUS!**
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)