Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Struggle Is Real ~ So Are The Lessons


I am a hashtag addict, and I admit it.

A few months back I saw a hashtag #thestruggleisreal, and I laughed out loud. Isn't that the truth I thought...

My Back. I am sitting in bed for the fifth night in a row as I struggle to be still/limit my motion/etc. to give my back some time to heal from a nasty wrenching in Haiti a week ago this past Sunday. I am actually being forced to ask people for help...lift stuff, etc. #thestruggleisreal

Captivating Arkansas/Adventures In Teaching. I am working through material for this upcoming weekend when I am set to teach two sessions at Captivating Arkansas. I know two things, no matter how much I prepare, God is going to give me the words on his schedule not mine (lest I remind myself of the 1:47 a.m. timing this past summer God had for a lesson I was scheduled to give less than 8 hours later at 9 a.m.). Good. Grief. #thestruggleisreal

Haiti. I got more than a few calls and text messages yesterday and today all centered around Haiti...questions, concerns, and I am worn out. I love people. I love the dialogue, but it is hard sometimes for people to realize that I am working through my own thoughts (so close to getting back). I don't have all of the answers (not by a long shot), and I am struggling with my own heart...decisions on what to do next..where I am needed....some/most want quick, concise responses (you have to wonder if they even know me...LOL...I can barely spell concise much less be concise...especially on any topic I am passionate about...LOL). Haiti is not black and white...it is multiple shades of gray...an enigma wrapped with a bow of complexity...it is beautiful and raw and nothing like you expect. Haiti surprises you...Every. Time. Every. Single. Time. I feel no allegiance except to God and where he directs me, and though it is difficult for me...I am trying very hard to be patient and move at the pace and in the direction that he nudges me. It is the only way I know I will do the right thing. Radical obedience; toughest thing I have ever done. #thestruggleisreal

Business Partners. Awww....the joy and the curse. Having never been married, sometimes I am convinced that God sent my business partner to teach me all of the beautiful lessons of having a partner since I have never had that professionally...and am a walking disaster at it personally. My business partner has a strong walk and faith, and because of that...God is healing me of many old wounds. That said, no partner, business or otherwise, is perfect. Having a healthy relationship only means when the wounds show themselves, you take the time to clean them out and invite God in to heal them. That takes time and patience. I have neither. So...you can imagine the struggle, but my God has the patience I lack...and He waits. #thestruggleisreal

Laundry. Don't even. I have been out of town 13 of the last 22 days. I leave Thursday for another four days. I can't begin to explain what is happening with my laundry or my loft in general. It looks like a boys college dormitory exploded in my home. One of the funniest things I have heard recently is one of my #iflocaltribe expressed Sunday how much she loved my home this way...it made her feel homey or happy. Not sure which. Oh. My. I thought. If you can imagine, I arrive home long enough, to dump one suitcase out and re-pack another because the trips differ so much that even my luggage is changing nearly every time. I stole coffee and toilet paper from my own office (good thing I am an owner) tonight because I don't have time to get to the store. I am hand washing some clothing items. I am too embarrassed to continue this...It is bad. #thestruggleisreal

Tribe. I have the best. I don't want to blubber so I am going to leave it at that. If there is a way and place where the enemy works to thwart my life or my heart it is with my tribe, but I find myself fighting like a warrior for them and for us, as doing this life with each of them is the joy of my days. In return, they fight for me. It is a dynamic and a depth of connection and relationship I have never had and continue to work to understand. More than anything it is simply a gift I work to honor every day as they teach me to be a better person, a better friend, a better business partner, a better boss, a better sister, a better aunt, and a better member of the human race. Better. #thestruggleisreal

Books. I have purchased no less than 30 books since 9/30/2014. 30!!! I read/finished two in Haiti which means I have finished about 5 in October. I miss lazy Saturdays full of reading, a quilt, and hot tea. I am not complaining because the slowness of my calendar (travel-wise) in December will soon be here...and I will have just that, but I do miss it. I know I will appreciate it and have plenty of reading material piled up to savor. #thestruggleisreal

Sis/Aunt. I have missed more football games this fall than planned due to flight delays and thrown backs, but my nephews still love me, and I eagerly await a long weekend with them soon. I miss them more than they know. It was a thrill having my Sis and niece in Haiti, but it will be sweeter still to have all of them (my little chicks as Sis would say) together under one roof. I like when I can see them all in one space. They are my heart. #thestruggleisreal

I could go on, but the tears are coming, and I have a pile of reading to finish before bedtime which will be on time with an early wake-up call and hitting the road for Mississippi at dawn. I think I needed to write all of this out so that I could laugh at myself. I knew that the seven weeks starting 9/30 were going to be brutal but pure BLISS, and they are every bit of both...I needed a reminder that #thestruggleisreal, and my life, while crazy, is full...just the way I love it to be. I need to get on the river and row, take a nap, do some laundry, remember to breathe, but all of that will come around again...in due time. Right now...it is this moment, these moments, and I will not feel guilty (that is the old Heather) but only grateful that I am given more than I deserve...Every. Day.

Me and Tacura, October 2014 ~ He is teaching me to breathe. :)))

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)