Sometimes I lose my way.
Life gets too hard. I feel beaten down. Two by fours upside my heart...my head. Sometimes I hibernate. Sometimes I strike out. Sometimes I offer grace to all but myself. Life wins. Heather loses.
Last weekend I wrote about how difficult the past few weeks had been.
Trials and tribulations that were breaking my spirit...and my will.
Easter weekend is a painful one after the loss of a family member Easter morning several years ago. My Sis and I are always a little "off" in the week leading up...as everyone is joyful and excited over Easter celebrations...our souls are disheleved and it takes awhile (every year) for us to make the connection...at least me...to what is bothering us.
I write all of this to note, that as I pushed against my own natural instincts to hibernate away this week (still reeling after a tough several weeks)...having dinner with friends, making weekend Easter plans with family, looking for alternate ways to overcome some recent disappointments and setbacks, moving (literally) forward in faith, doing for others, and even pushing through on some expansion plans for our company. God rewarded me (and showed me over coffee this morning) with restoration.
I slept last night harder and longer than I have in weeks (thank you Jenn for the oils). I felt heard and loved in my pain (thank you Tom for the joint tears and words). I felt remembered (thank you Sis). I felt joy (thank you Sam/funniest guy I know). I felt cheered on (and without judgement or expectation) and re-inspired (thank you Lesley). I felt missed and loved (thank you Mark). I felt needed (thank you Lee). I felt excitement and joy and help (thank you Holly). I felt....Love.
God delivers angels exactly when and where we need them. He sends them to our hearts and to us in person. God sent me dozens this week, and as I started coming out of the weighty fog of a disappointing world that asks too much of all of us...Every. Day. A world that has asked too much of me as of late. I was reminded that I am not of this world. I am simply a guest here. I am a child of a God who loves me. A God who needs me. A God who waits patiently while I try and Do. It. All. on my own more often than I should....even now...even after all I have learned...because I can't do this alone. I was made for a tribe. We were all made for a tribe.
This Saturday morning I am hitting my knees in thanks and gratitude that I am not alone in this walk. I am blessed beyond measure to have a tribe of men and women who love me...who KNOW me....who believe in my better self (even and especially when I am far from showing it).
Jesus' resurrection is not simply a testament to his conquering of death for himself, but of his conquering of death for US. I am humbled this morning as I am gently reminded through love he sent to me through earthly angels, that he conquered death, the grave, this world for little old me. I am not of this world.
Ugly crying now.
What is God conquering for you in your life? What have you yet to give to him to conquer?
My own list increased ten fold in the past five weeks. He has revealed yokes I didn't realize I had...ones I thought long sense removed...he is healing me in all of those new and old places.
I lay it all down...once again...at the foot of his cross. All for him. Trusting only him.
What do you need to lay down this Easter weekend?
Tomorrow I am celebrating not only Jesus' resurrection and conquering of the grave, but his resurrection in and of me.
This world is difficult, but it will not break me. It will not change me. It was never meant to.
Happy Easter! Whatever your beliefs and wherever you are in your walk or space....I send you blessings and love! ❤️☀️