Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget how genuinely big and how delicately small this world is...and then an event like IF:Pray happens, and my heart is broken in fresh ways. *Sigh*

I am a woman struggling to refresh her voice.

Hmmmm...

Refresh.

I don't even know what that means.

I lost my voice. Found my voice. Now...now feels like something entirely different. It is my voice, but not to be used for my purposes, but for others. I find myself weighing over my words (whether vocal or written) in a new way...not out of fear or out of conformity, but out of respect, love, with an intent to heal and not harm. I have too often used my words as a weapon. I have. I own it. I hate it, but all I can do is live, learn, ask for forgiveness, and move on. Now God is teaching me how to use my gift of gab for new purposes....His purposes...not my own. Not. My. Own. Instead of being the final word...win the debate...now I seek to understand...to see behind the other person's words and actions. Is this what growing up looks like? *Nervous Laugh*

I want more time to love people. I have not spent enough of my 43 years simply loving people.

Last night as I held others, and I was being held. Tears flowing. Hearts breaking. Prayers being answered. A baby's beautiful giggle permeating the quiet and solemnness hanging in the air...at just the right time. I swear in my heart I know that was Jesus' giggling at us...with us. There was joy in that space. Pure. Joy.

Life is hard. God is all in the hard with us. He is holding our hands. Rubbing our back. Listening. He is sending us a beautiful sunny day to run away on a patio, early for a dinner meeting, fresh flowers everywhere, a soft breeze, a glass of wine, a new hairdo...he is in ALL of that. Refreshing me. Renewing me. I am here sweetheart...this beauty is for you...and there will be more angst...rest up...savor...enjoy.

Why did I miss this for so long? Idiot.

But now you know....I hear him. Now. I. Know.

Let the memory of this day....this moment stay with me. Let it stay fresh in my heart.

The next 6-7 weeks will be some of the busiest and richest of my life. Of this...I.AM.SURE. I am going to need the reminder and the little moments to remind me that the life I have been blessed with is not mine. He is calling me and planning for me new adventures...new challenges. Rest up pretty girl. I hear that loud and clear. Armor up warrior princess. Yes Sir.

Sometimes I forget to breathe.

Colorado...The Arkansas River...2012
Just as I typed that a giant breeze blew through, and I was literally transported to the mountain top of Colorado on that sunny afternoon when God caught me. The words he whispered to me, the birds chirping, and the breeze that blew every last golf ball size tear that fell. I cannot forget Colorado. He won't let me. I am MOST grateful for that.

There are going to be some strange posts (to some) over the coming weeks....for some reason I see fit to warn my readers (though they may be few). In the words of Mary Poppins, "The wind is changing..." Yes it is. I intend to change with it...for a new adventure awaits on the other side...of that I am sure.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

IF:Pray



Later tonight...groups of women...all over the world...will gather to pray....for three hours. I am co-leading a group of women here locally, and the tingling throughout my body is intense. It has been a hard few weeks leading to this event tonight. Lots has come against us individually and collectively, but I am part of a beautiful team of women who has persevered...all in the name of collective prayer.

Prayer.

So simple and yet so difficult.

I have never had any confidence in my own prayer ability. Tonight I will be sharing scripture and praying in front of a group of people...many whom I have never met. *Deep Breath*

We all have different backgrounds, different religious affiliations, but tonight we will join as one. I don't know about anyone else, but I believe this is going to be one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

I will post later this week more about what happens tonight, but quickly I wanted to document this moment of anticipation which grew out of the bravery of a lot of women...humbled to be a small part of it.

If you would like more information about IF:Pray, please feel free to click on this link. If you are local to Central Arkansas and would like to join us tonight, please click here for more information.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Monday, September 15, 2014

The Importance of Tribe

Yesterday was a FULL day. It was amazing and full and joyful and happy. It wasn't until later that evening at bedtime when the calls and e-mails and my scheduled day grinded to a halt, that I realized how God had protected my heart that whole day.

I had missed an event I would have never missed in years past, but things change and life throws you curve balls you could have never seen coming and the seasons change and life rolls endlessly on...

My heart hurt, but the sharpness of the pain was gone. I could both remember and know with pure love and joy for those I was not with...and it was beautiful. I could feel my heart exhale.

I could breathe.

Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of my life, I too easily forget how much I have already been healed. I forget how much I am loved. I forget how far I have come. I forget...I forget.

Last night, the final thing I had blocked out to do was a long overdue FaceTime call with Sherri from my C7. Listening to all that is working in her life and mine felt like such confirmation that we have come so far...that we are on the right path. When Sherri and I met we were both broken (though I imagine more broken than either of us thought when we landed on that Colorado mountain), and we were searching...for the whys and wherefores that plague every woman...every person.

What Sherri, and all of the C7, have taught me is the importance of tribe. They not only taught me that I was not in it alone, but that there were others struggling as much as I was (then Haiti taught me (among a zillion other things) that I was a complete douche because my struggles weren't the half of it). So many of us grow up believing that it is all on us...whether forced on us, taught to us, etc...whatever it is, we believe in our hearts that it is all ours to bear. Alone.

That lie leaves a lot of wounded people in its wake...

In less than two months, I will be spending a weekend with a group of young women ages 13-20 teaching them, among other things, about the importance of tribe. These are girls that are searching for more...the good news is that they know they need more and they are asking for help...the bad news is that they are not being fed (spiritually) in their lives. There is no judgment there for them or where they are at...I am part of many tribes at this point...women and men of all ages...and the bulk of us feel like we are walking through the spiritual desert...it is tough out here. We are hurting people in a hurting world and we know (we hope) there is more available to us than what we presently know to be true.

Which is why....we need each other. We need a tribe. A group of people who will do life with us...Encourage us...Believe in us....Speak truth to us. We NEED each other.

Yesterday I had the chance to spend the day with multiple tribes of mine...each feeding me in different ways that give me LIFE. I simply cannot imagine my life today without them in it. I. Cannot.

Lydia...one of my recent #tribe converts. Love. Her. :))))
Sometimes I write because I need therapy and writing is absolutely therapeutic for me. Sometimes I write to simply share...the lessons and the joy. Today, I think I am writing to remind myself...and anyone that reads this...that building a tribe is important...necessary...and to say that I continue to be grateful every day that where there has been great loss in my life, God has opened other doors and other lessons giving me the opportunity to heal, grow, and bless my own fragile heart...continue to love...deeply.

#tribe

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)