|Clearly enraptured with Judy's girls dancing on the lawn at Sherri's wedding.|
I find myself tonight...sitting in what is becoming my second favorite "third place" (think Mugs Café by day and this gem by night ;) )....sipping a glass of wine (I can walk home from here), laptop fully charged, greetings having met me at the door, and a big smile on my face. It isn't just the location or the familiarity tonight though...it is more....
I am entering a new season.
I just grinned from ear-to-ear. The people at the table next to me suddenly gave me an odd stare. :)))
It just hit me this afternoon...Wow.
I have been tracking my "seasons" for a few years now. A lesson I learned in one or some of the many books I have devoured since late 2011/early 2012. I feel like I have been on quite the journey. This past weekend one of the C7 asked me about something in my life I have spoken of so little I can count the times on one hand minus fingers. It was an innocent enough question, but it opened a Pandora's box. There sitting outside having breakfast looking out on the Blue Ridge Mountains...as my breakfast went from hot to cold...I shared. I didn't cry or get angry. I just shared. And then I breathed. Deeply.
I think I knew then that something was clicking in some dark cavern, but the weight of the discussion coupled by the need to stay on schedule didn't allow me the time to mull on it. Until now...sitting alone at my favorite table nibbling on a yummy dinner and exhaling from the third day in a row of roller coaster madness in my life...professional and personal....which have quilted together so beautifully these past nearly two years. I love God so much for that.
So...first, I need to say thank you to the C7 (two of them were with me at the time) for obeying the instinct that said ask and the further one that said listen and the last one that said love her...anyway. *Tears*
That table is definitely staring now....;)
I am fully in love with my life....and that is the season I am in. I know it will get better...and worse...in the days and months to come, but this overarching season may very well be my favorite so far in all of my life. I cannot ever remember feeling this peaceful, content, excited, needed, wanted, loved, accepted...I don't ever remember allowing myself to "do life" like this. My post the day after the wedding Doing Life Together generated a lot of buzz for me. The reality is...none more than in my own spirit. One of my oldest friends, a 20 year friendship, did not respond well to it. The conversation that transpired was difficult for us both. They are not "doing life" and they were none to happy that I was....the whys and wherefores are not nearly as important as the love between us accepting and closing a door with each other that our friendship was long past a healthy place. We love and respect each other deeply, but the door is now closed. *Deepest of Sighs*
I have learned to give others permission to say good-bye to me, and now I am learning the painful lesson of saying good-bye to others. I deeply hope to not have too many of these; it is brutal. On. My. Heart. God is all in it though. God knows that only he can be all things to someone. I have to trust him to do that and be that....and trust that he knows what is best for me. *Gentle Tears*
Have I mentioned growth sucks lately?!? :)))
It is also the damndest thing...because it is growth. GROWTH. My heart is expanding. My mind is open. My soul is free. My body...bless it...is healthy. God is right here with me, and he is cheering me on...loudly. Even more loudly than the C7. He knows every inch of where I have been and even more...every inch of where I will go. I am grateful for his patience. I have not been an easy pupil, and I am not conceding that I will be a gem from this day forward...but I am better. Better. *Broad Smile* ;)
So I am in love. You heard it here first. ;)
I am in love with my life. :))))
I am entering a season of peace, and I am loving the way that this feels. I don't know that I have had this sensation before...I wish I were kidding. I feel like a kid.
I am going to do a post soon about some of my favorite things right now...that just came to me...take that Oprah. Maybe no one cares, but I am suddenly tickled to death to write about some of the songs, books, third places, events, etc. that are tripping my trigger.
I will give you a sneak peak....Nehemiah. I am devouring that book like it is a Texas Chocolate Sheet Cake. Between my Sis' church series and a book I found at Lifeway, I have fallen in love with this book of the Old Testament. I also have fallen in love for the second time with Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey. Don't judge the book (or do) by its title. It is loving, thoughtful, thought provoking, sweet, and full of beautiful words...by Sarah and quotes you have loved for years and new ones you will fall in love with....I read it for the second time on the plane on the way home from North Carolina, and I was dancing in my seat. It moves me in some special place in my spirit. I highly recommend. I am listening to a lot of Indigo Girls and Hillsong's new album No Other Name. There is a lot of GREAT music out there. I am watching a lot of great baseball this summer. My nephew is on FIRE! I am sending a lot of notes and cards. I had gone dark for awhile, but my grateful heart is making time for expressing my deepest gratitude to others. Things like that matter, and I am loving hearing from people who receive one. To give is SO much better than to receive. Finally, I am doing better with calls and messages. Making time to call someone out of the blue...Lee Henson....and check in. It means more to me than they know, and I need to do that more. I have hidden behind the word "busy" far too long. Busy is a choice. I did more business in the airport on Thursday flying to NC than anywhere. I can get a lot done in a short amount of time. So I can also carve time out to be present with others. Working to do that more. Be better. I told my team this week....we need to be more deliberate in our speech and actions...I was talking to me more than them.
|Katie and I laughing at Sherri's Wedding|
I am committed to "doing life" with those in my life. The blessings of just that simple shift in my heart is worth....Everything.
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)