My heart is a wreck.
Last night/this morning, I said good-bye to our firm's first employee. In reality, it was the fourth, but it was our first real hire, and frankly the first person that Josh and I trusted and started relinquishing to some of the day-to-day...critical stuff. She is headed on a new life adventure in California with the love of her life. It isn't good-bye, but it does break my heart. Let me be clear....it is crushing my heart in ways I anticipated, and some I did not. Collateral damage from living a life with my heart wide open.
After giving myself time last night and this morning to ugly cry....heaving sobs....SO ugly, I am now entering more of the reflective, joyous phase. Blessed to have known such a young, sweet soul. Blessed to have been given the responsibility to mentor her and watch her grow. Blessed by the healing I received in trusting her with our business, my heart, my fears....She really owned her role and became nearly irreplaceable. It has been a joy and a ride.
Leading people is a responsibility; leading people in your very own firm feels more like parenthood.
So....it is no surprise after that realization....that I have had memories flooding me for the past week of every child I have looked after, loved, or taken care of...every mentoree. It has crashed against my heart in waves.
Living with your heart and should wide open is dangerous and wild. It is the highest highs and the deepest pains.
My heart hurts. I don't want to live differently, but the pain is deep...and hard to explain. I am also afraid I don't necessarily handle it well. So forgive me as I blubber through a little while longer.*
*The poor restaurant I was getting takeout from just now...I broke into tears just now when CC sent me a photo and text of her as they drive to California. 😥
Wide. Open. 😳
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." ~ Matthew 6:21
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)