What a day....and it is 2 p.m. *Sigh*
I had to come into the office to work after a glorious brunch with a dear friend....and I have little choice but to write what is on my heart if there is any hope of me getting the teeniest, tiniest bit accomplished this afternoon at the office.
So...what is brewing (read that as bothering) you now Heather Ruth you might be thinking....
Well...my own mortality actually. I need more time...and it is bothering me...to the point of distraction, and I am struggling with how to deal with it.
I was getting ready yesterday, and I stopped cold when I caught my reflection in the mirror and realized I looked old. I mean....OLD. Wrinkles where I had not noticed them before....my skin not as elastic as I remember it being, gray hair in new places....hair growth in new places....What. Is. It. About. Our. Aging. Bodies. God.???? His ultimate joke I think....Forced humility. I have no problem aging....and have embraced the changes over the years with a lot of laughter...until the past few months. I am wondering what has caused the shift?? Why has it gone from funny to....panicky....not because I am looking older, but because I am realizing I am actually GETTING older....and it makes me nervous. Very. Nervous.
There is this great song a friend of mine sent me a few months back called Every Season by Nichole Nordeman (click the link for a beautiful video of it on YouTube), and it just came on (my entire iPod is on shuffle while I write)...how fitting. Fitting.
I am so envious of my friends and family who take this time of year in stride....they get all of the extra stuff done, host beautiful Christmas parties, bake, wrap, shop, and all in addition to their otherwise extremely busy lives. I remember being one of those people...once upon a time. Not anymore. I am drowning. Drowning. So...add to it my mirror moment..and you have a girl in full meltdown. Oh there were tears. Puddles of tears.
I sent my friend of e-mail....what is wrong with me??? Ending with....I just hope I look back one day and can simply say I survived this season....I mean it is the sweetest season of my life...but tired...Oh honey....I am so tired. My tired is tired....and I am supposed to do Christmas on top of everything else? Seriously?! Oh My Sweet Lord Help Me!!!
So...in the midst of my mini-nervous breakdown (aka Pity Party), I read this..."Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed." ~ Proverbs 31:8...
Well....CRAP. (...and I started laughing...)
Purpose. Sometimes God gives us purpose in the strangest ways.
Better yet....he reminds us of our purpose in even stranger ways.
...and He laughs...knowingly.
...and now I am crying...AGAIN.
I need a hug. A big, oversized, super long HUG.
Let us be kind to each other this holiday season...to those with much, to those with little, to those with nothing, to those who are stressed for reasons we do not even know, to those who appear to have it all together, to those who do not, to those that get a year-end break and are joyful, to those who do not get a break and are extra frazzled, to those who are helping those with very little to nothing, to everyone...lets be just a little extra kind....
I want to BE extra kind, and I want others to be extra kind TO me....because I too am frazzled...
I love where I am at....I love this season of my life....and I love the holidays on top of it...but that does not mean I am not 30 seconds from an emotional break. Just sayin'.
....and the touching part....is that I. Am. Not. Alone.
So....lets save the world, sip our hot chocolate, take time to pray, do our jobs, make our lists, and every once in awhile....lets remember it is okay to breathe....take some extra time to hug those in our lives when we see them. The "To Dos" aren't getting any less...no matter how hard we work at them.
Maybe our purpose isn't in checking the items off our lists, but instead in the ones we add to them....
Hmmmm....a change of perspective from "have" to "get to"...
I get to run a company, help start a non-profit, go to Haiti, plan a trip to Africa in a few months, have brunch with a friend, work in my office (when it is incredibly quiet), go Christmas shopping and sip eggnog in SoMa tonight, do laundry (a month's worth) tonight when I get home, clean my house for guests, go grocery shopping, find ways to Christmas shopping for those I love....and on and on....
Maybe I slide in last minute on a few of these....maybe I e-mail Christmas cards this year....maybe my house isn't spotless for visitors this week and they have to make their own bed....maybe I don't accomplish each of these (and all the rest) perfectly....maybe that is all okay...maybe I am okay...Just. As. I. Am.
Maybe, just maybe....You. Are. Too.
I am loving this season...I keep saying it to people (and myself) as I pinch myself....but that doesn't mean I have mastered a perfect life or that I am perfect or that I am even attempting to be perfect (if you know me, you know I gave up on that YEARS ago)....but that doesn't mean that life and the world doesn't push those perfection expectations down on us...All. The. Time. So maybe today it was good for me to remember that perfect is not who I am; that it is not even in my vocabulary....and that NO one who truly knows me OR truly loves me wants a "Perfect Heather" anyway....what fun is that?!?! :))))
So.....here is to shattering that perfection expectation. Hell, we are all getting older....God has big plans for our lives....we all have too much to do....Why?
We woke up this morning. Period.
Savor the season...the seasons of your life...the seasons on the calendar...each are important. To you. To someone you love. To someone you will never meet. It. All. Matters.
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)