Saturday, May 18, 2013

The Bulldog Theory

Have you ever sat down and just wondered to yourself, "Who am I?"????



{Thank you Casting Crowns for drilling that thought home Thursday night/Friday morning. ;)}

For me, an identity crisis is pretty much a regular occurrence...well, not a "regular" occurrence, but I do spend an inordinate amount of time trying, worrying, questioning how to be a "better" person.....

So....it is no surprise that after being coined a "bulldog" by a co-worker for the hundredth time, that I went all "self-reflective" in wondering what that meant...

*Sigh*

I had the funniest thought as I got ready the following morning after this had happened...I thought "I hope there is room in heaven for bulldogs."

That said, the rest of the story is that those who use that term most often use it to describe how I am their "go to" when there is a problem because I won't give up until there is a resolution...and how I always have their back.  Well....now that isn't so bad. Is it? I thought so...at first, but then I realized that I am VERY much like that...and I kind of like that....

What does that mean???

Here is one of the things about women...most every woman I know, whether they have children or not, are very maternal...and when you cross their children (or anyone who occupies that space in their heart...work, co-workers, friends, family, etc.)...it is GAME ON.  I think it is hard to recognize that is what it is when you see a single, childless woman play out that role....but that is every bit of what it is....

Hmmmm....

I have been misunderstood and misjudged a great deal in my life, but no place worse than in the workplace...especially in certain workplaces where being a single, childless woman of "my age" was an anomaly. *Ugh*  Someday I am going to write a book about what that experience has been like for me...and how, even when I was "OK" with it, how the judgement of others can bring up old pain that you had long since dealt with...and reignite that "Who am I?" regarding that single issue. Brutal stuff.

I digress....

I think my point is that often I find myself reminding myself that I. AM. Okay.  Really. :)))

So who am I?  Well, in a crisis, I am a mother...a protective bulldog...a problem solver.  That doesn't always look "pretty"...BUT it is who I am...and what I do.



So to all the women out there who have been called a "bulldog" with or without affection, embrace it. Reflect on it, no doubt, but don't automatically assume that it is a negative.  Maybe it is just part of your mothering instincts (and that is always okay) and a reflection of something beautiful, deeper, wonderful.

For those who have ever called someone a bulldog...or any other name...think about what you mean by it, think about your words, and make sure that you are being kind. #kindnessmatters

My name is Heather, and I am a bulldog.

I guess there are worse things to be called, and I am going to stop feeling bad about it. Instead, I am embracing my inner bulldog, with a big, broad smile on my face...and resting in the knowledge that childless or not, I am protective of my "young" and there are thousands of ways to mother, and that it is okay and blissfully wonderful that my natural instincts of protecting and defending others are fully intact.

This may seem like a strange topic to write about, but as someone told me this past week who reads my blog, that I didn't know read my blog, Heather you are an evolving woman and sharing the ride. Well no sh*t there (sorry to all those possibly offended by language), but that is REAL.

I'm not perfect. FAR from it. I just want to get a little better every day, and on a REALLY good day, get a LOT better.  That is the best I can do; my dead-level best.

Happy Saturday!!!  I have a lot of work ahead of me today; nothing like your work e-mail crashing for five hours midday (Thursday) to re-write your weekend plans for you. ;)

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

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