I feel like my head and body are in the middle of the spin cycle of a washing machine. So who knows what could come out on here....
So I just found out that a potential two year (volunteer) gig with another two tacked on afterwards is off, and suddenly I am spinning out. What ever will I do with all of this time, money, and energy??? Oh my gosh. I am nearly giddy...and frozen in my seat because I don't quite no what to do with myself.
How ridiculous is that????
One of my mantras...goals...hopes for 2013 was to "Stop the glorification of busy" of which I am a life, if not founding, member. :(
That said, it is like an addiction, and when you are taken off something, no matter how much you need to be off of it, the withdrawals are horrific...and at times, worse than the original drug. So imagine me sitting at my desk with the first senses of euphoria followed shortly thereafter by the pangs of panic. Not pretty.
How did I get this bad???
I am now starting to laugh.
I just updated my trust this morning, which I might add has more details and instructions than a nuclear warhead, and so it is striking me that I am quite simply...this bad....all the time...about everything in my life. I can see my trust attorney nodding as I can remember now years ago telling her I wanted to have control from the grave. Grief. I am horrible.
Hello, I am a woman, and I am a control freak, and I am addicted to being busy.
Welcome to the Spin Zone.
So.....I am a little over a year away from suddenly having all of this new free time, energy, and money (frankly), so please don't rush to send me ideas on how to fill the gaps. :))) It may take me the next year to get ready for the withdrawal considering just the idea of it nearly made me catatonic this morning.
Of all the things I am learning in 2013, I think the hardest is that in my quest to be "good"...*Sigh*...I have been oh so bad. To myself most of all. I am also learning that I am not alone in this, and I am wondering if we shouldn't all start a support group of some kind. Then again, where would we fit the meetings in? :)
I have spent the first three months of this year purging my life (physically, emotionally, "things", bad habits, etc.) like never before, but the more I purge, the more I recognize how much more there is to do. I have too much stuff. Too much emotional baggage. Too many extracurricular activities. Too, too much of so much. It is liberating to shed it, but it is also difficult to let go of the "busy" in my life.
We all have our personal crutches. Being SO busy is certainly a big one for me. So don't be surprised if you see me "spin" out from time to time as I wean myself off of the drug of a life spent never saying, "no"...:)
So here is saying yes to life. Yes to being free.
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)