Thursday, April 25, 2013

I Forgot To Breathe Again *Sigh*

 
Sometimes I wonder how it is that a person can quite literally forget to breathe...

I do it. A lot.

Okay...mainly when I am talking. :)  I can get excited.

Last night I forgot to breathe. A. Lot. I was being inundated with questions about my religious beliefs.  What made it so unnerving was that the person I was speaking with quite literally knows nothing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. I kept having flash backs to Vacation Bible School or when I have taught Children's Sunday School...oh how easy those times seemed to me last night. If you mess up a story...no problem. They're kids. It is a completely different story when you are being asked these questions by a highly intelligent adult with no knowledge. I could literally hear my own heart pounding because I was quite sure I was butchering the key points of the Bible I was being asked to explain because those are the parts you pull from to support your beliefs...Right?!  I will get back to that...I literally felt the weight of their questions on my soul. It was unnerving...yet somehow...inspiring.

I have never...honestly never...had anyone ask me if I thought they were going to hell. I mean how does one answer that question? And what raw honesty that broke my heart that they wondered...are wondering. {Flash backs to my grandparents who lived a lifetime in the church and still wondered to the end. That. Is. Not. Right. :( We have lost our way.)}

I digress...

I was clearly not created for ministry.

Clearly.

I digress...

I believe in the Bible. Lets get that right out of the way, but when you are trying to explain Jesus to someone who has zero knowledge of who Jesus is, who the disciples were, the woman at the well, has never read the Bible...how in the world do you overwhelm them with all of that?! How do you pick where to start?  Well, you overwhelm them, and so did I...until I saw their yearning eyes...and I stopped myself.  Tears in my eyes, I simply started with unconditional love....and went from there.

*Sigh*

If you can understand unconditional love (or the desire for it), then you can understand Jesus....and then the leap is pretty easy...and as I witnessed firsthand...quite overwhelming (for both you and them).

I am pretty sure Christians forget to breathe...All. The. Time. We (okay I....I don't want to push off my shortcomings on others) get so caught up in the drama around the rules, the traditions, the legalism, the differences between us and them (other Christians and ourselves...not to mention non-Christians vs. Christians) that we get lost...in all of that noise. Noise.

Breathe.

When I finally stopped to take a breath last night...and just looked into this person's eyes...to see that quest for answers, wondering, searching in their eyes...expecting me to know the answers...I did the only thing I knew how. I told them about love.

I have wrestled with this for so long now that it should not be frightening to write about it, yet...my hands are shaking as I type. I will be judged for this. I know it. Frankly, I don't care.

I really think we have to meet people at a place of love.

My friend E sent me a link today to a beautiful song Breathe by Ryan Star, and I love it...and it was perfect for a day like today....for a day that came after a marathon night staying up and helping a friend to better understand this thing called love they say I am always talking about (funny, I always think I don't talk about it enough)...after a night and day I spent praying I had said the right things the night before...and wondering why in the world they came to me. Me? So unqualified to handle something of that magnitude and importance.

...and here I am forgetting to breathe again, and I am simply typing...:)

I am reading a book right now on radical obedience, and while I have the radical part down pat...I suck at the obedience part. I am learning, and the funny thing is that I see what God is doing in my life...I see him changing me through the strangest of situations and encounters, but I will be dad-gum if I can stop it...and the (radical) truth is...I don't want him to stop...it. ;)

There is no hope of me ever speaking nice and slow and quiet and proper. Give. It. Up.

There IS hope that I will learn to breathe more and tap into my heart more and my brain less when someone is looking for my heart...not simply the facts.

....and maybe that is the point.

Hmmm....

...and I just had an epiphany, but it is 11:20 p.m., and I have just completed a 16 hour work day...and epiphanies will have to work themselves out in my dreams.

More heart. More love.

Sweet dreams of sweet unconditional love poured on us whether we know or understand....whether we have read or not read....whether we know what discplies are....he still loves you. He still loves...YOU.

He still loves me. Thank goodness. :)))

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Endeavoring To Make A Trail

 
Just when I believe I am getting a grip on my "new normal" someone says something to me that reminds me that I am both so much further down the road than I believe....and not even close....simultaneously.

I love you E.

It is the truest friends which hold the mirror up and remind you that you are wiser, better, stronger, more beautiful, etc. than you can find a way to believe on your own. Those kinds of friends are angels sent from God because only God sees you at your very best and most perfect All. The. Time....only he sees the progress you are making, the changes you are going through, the best of what you will become...Only he and hundreds of little angels he sends to you just at the right time.  Like E tonight.

I am not who I was, and yet I am not yet who I will be.

*Sigh*

The growing just never stops. Does it?

Today, I had the funniest moment. I was getting ready this morning, and suddenly I just busted out in giggles, tears flowing I was laughing so hard. I had suddenly realized that I was patting my make-up around my eyes. You know...the way we watched our grandmothers and mothers do...other women, older women. At one point had I started doing that?? Grief. Aging cracks me up.

I digress...

My skin and resulting actions are not the only things changing, growing, maturing....well, one can dream. :)

I think one of the most amazing things to happen to me as I started writing again, and also in sharing my own aha moments, mistakes, wins, etc., was that so many say to me I love going through your stuff with you. Wow! I don't even like going through my stuff with me...not the mistakes that is....and then you realize that maybe there is more to something you are doing than what you originally thought, and then you look up, raise your eyebrows, tilt your head, shrug your shoulders, and say, "You might want to be a LITTLE more obvious." :)))

I think the bottom line is that whatever mistakes we make, whatever setbacks we hit, whatever lessons this life teaches us...we are not in it alone. Each of us has struggles, challenges, losses, and we are all walking down a long and winding path. It is a nice reminder that sharing our struggles with each other doesn't make us weaker, it makes us stronger.

I'm not who I was...a month ago, a year ago, a decade ago, two decades ago. I needed the reminder tonight that I have come a long way, and yet I have a long way to go because the doors and windows are still opening. I can stop and rest, or I can push on...
 
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
Do you want a path or a trail? There is no right or wrong answer. There is only the action of making the choice or letting the choice make you and reacting to it. There is also the choice of respecting those whose choices are different from you. I don't know that I have always been good at that, but I am learning...still learning.
 
"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." ~ George Washington Carver

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Love. Period.



What a week! I mean...What. A. Week.

I have a lot to say, and yet so little to say.

While it all simmers in a weekend full of some of my favorites things (including work), I want to make this simple point.

Love. Period.

That is all it is about. Really. That. Is. All.

If your words and actions are not based in true love, then stop. Stop. Yourself. In. Your. Tracks.

Love. Period.

We need to start a movement.

Also, #meanpeoplesuck so just Love. Especially, especially towards the mean people.  Think Pollyanna and how she handle all of the "cantankerous" people in her town.

Love. Period.

Love.

Pass it around. :)

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Monday, April 15, 2013

I Miss Mr. Rogers


There are days like today where the perfection and beauty of my earlier childhood are strikingly poignant.  I am transported in an instant to that place deep in my soul, in the recesses of my memory before my life "got real" and the veil of perfection was pulled back. In that place resides Captain Kangaroo, Vacation Bible School, sticking sunshines on the church bus, my baby brother and sister being born, my parent's perfect marriage, Little House On The Prairie, my tree swing, playing in the roof of the barn, all four of my amazing grandparents, Turkey Trot traditions, picking strawberries, milking cows, tree houses, canoeing and camping alongside the Buffalo National River with my family, Golden Books, Pee Bear (don't ask), Raggedy Ann & Andy, and just as pronounced as any of those listed...Mr. Rogers.

We all have those sacred places deep inside where we keep the very best and most perfect memories of our childhood.  I have just shared a handful of my own.

Days like today rock my soul. Break my heart. Leave me gasping for air and speechless. In the midst of all of that, I guess you could say I go to my happy place.

I wonder if times have changed that much, or if we just don't have that universal "go to" person for our children to help explain what is so difficult for us as adults to explain to ourselves??  Did Mr. Rogers just raise my generation, and others, and help us deal with the pain we experienced?  Does life just get so ugly, at times, and complicated...that we just go back to those people and things that always make us feel better...restoring our hope and faith in humanity, in our God, in each ourselves??

I don't know.

I just sat down around 9:30 p.m. tonight and finally turned on the television to watch what I had avoided all day. As the video of what happened today started, I gasped unable to believe the sounds of the screams. I am shaking as I type...yet, you see all of the people (even before the second explosion) running towards the blast, trying to help, pulling stuff off of people, and you read the quote again (above) by Mr. Rogers...and you wonder how he always knew what to say....and how amazing that his words still ring true....and you are crying, but you know good always wins...

Yet....you can't help but miss Mr. Rogers. Then you think about all of those other wonderful parts of that euphoria, sweet part of your childhood...before you knew the world wasn't always rose colored, and you miss all of it....a little more than before...and you wish for a moment that you could go back in time and hide out in your closet with your Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls and your books....

But we can't.

I can't.

We have to reach out to those who are hurting far worse than ourselves. We have to run towards others and help. 

And that is how we get past it. That is how we move on...Every. Day.

WE become the helpers. Because really, Mr. Rogers was not only teaching us then, he is talking to us now. WE are the helpers. We are the change we seek. We are the hope. We.

We are the helpers.

*To all those who are helping in big and small ways. Thank you. Each of you are restoring a shaken community, a shaken nation, a shaken world in the belief that good does always win. Always.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Sunday Musings

I can't change the world, but I can change the world in me. -Bono quote calligraphy


I find it strange that I came across this quote this morning...that it is Bono's, who is Irish...and that it struck me because I was having a debate with myself this morning over my personal views on immigration, and suddenly was struck by a story Mama Doretha told me about my grandfather, Bill Nelson, who we believe is from Irish descent (believing his ancestors came over as indentured servants from Ireland during the potato famine (as I have been told, but have no proof of...yet.)). 

I am fascinated by the immigration debate. Full disclosure, I waffle with myself a lot on where I stand on it; it is beyond complicated.  I enjoy listening to diverse voices discuss their views and positions; I learn something new almost every time.  So, I am eating my breakfast this morning while watching CBS Sunday Morning (Addicted.), and before I could turn it off, once over and the political show started, I heard a snippet of a segment on immigration.

Which got me to thinking....

Now this is where it gets strange.

I suddenly thought of a story I only learned about (from Doretha) a few years ago about my grandfather.  It seems he was just 13 years old when he left home in Combs, Arkansas, and headed East towards Mull, Arkansas, located at the southern end of the Buffalo National River (just Buffalo River at that time) to find work at a CCC Camp (Civilian Conservation Corps) where they were constructing and developing a state park. See snippet (with link below)...

There were two CCC camps located in Marion County: (1) The Buffalo State Park Camp under the Department of the Interior was located just off Highway 14 South-near the Othel Langston place. When the Buffalo Park became a part of the State Park System, a CCC camp was established there to construct and develop the park.

To get on with the CCC, you had to be 18 years old.  Also, a portion of your wages were automatically sent back to your family.  It was all part of the program which you can read more about here, but there are tons of fascinating books about the CCC out there.

So here is the rub. My grandfather was NOT 18 years old; he was 13 years old.  He lied. He lied about his age so he could get work, so he could survive, and so he could help his family back in Combs, Arkansas survive.

*Dramatic Pause*

In all of the years I have known about this and learned more from people who knew him at the CCC, I am not sure I ever felt shame or shock that he lied about his age in order to get in.  AND I don't feel that now.  Why is that??  I have spent a lot of time thinking about how scared he must have been to leave his parents, his family, his home. I have thought about the guts it must have taken to make his way towards a place he had never been, the long journey, knowing he might get turned away due to his age.  I have thought about a lot of things.  I have never, on any other occasion, drawn a line between what he did and what millions of others have done to find a better life...to survive.  Until this morning. 

Now...I am clearly not drawing a direct correlation...okay, maybe I am.  The truth of the matter is that this country was built on and by people willing to fight, die, and work for a better life. For them. For their families. Now, I haven't found some crystal clear realization of my own position on it, but what I have discovered is that the debate hits a lot closer to home than I realized...before.  Which makes me realize that I really need to formulate my own position on what I believe; I can no longer justify sitting on the fence on this one.

Unlike Bono (in his quote above), I really do believe that each of us can change the world, but like Bono, I believe you have to change the world in you...first.  Part of the journey of finding my own voice has been to make hard decisions on where I stand on certain issues.  It is beyond difficult for someone like me...a proud fence rider. :)))

So...here I go....listening, learning, and deciding for myself what I believe. Where I stand.

I remember once when my nephew Sam said to me, "Aunt Heather, I love it when you get fired up about something." (talking about something I believed over dinner one time)  I remember giving him the strangest look, thinking it was such a peculiar thing to say.  Now I wonder, what am I teaching him, the kids, when I both have no position, take no position, and/or have a position???

It is a little too much for this woman to take in on a Sunday morning.  Plus, I need to get ready for church.

Sunday Musings.

"Together we must learn how to compose differences, not with arms, but with intellect and decent purpose."
Dwight D. Eisenhower
 
"...man is a bundle of relations, a knot of roots,
whose flower and fruitage is the world..."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Shattering the Bully in the Mirror


I am a person...a woman...who has NO clue of my own limitations.

There....I said it.

Now, for the rest of the story....there are moments, hours, days, weeks, months, and even years within the span of my life that this statement was not true for me.  I am human; I have doubts.

Yesterday...was not one of those days.

:)))))

Yesterday will go down as one of the coolest days of my life solely because three people took the time to reach out to me and without knowing it, made me feel that I was on the right path....albeit, in three very different ways and for three very different reasons.

Encouragement is not a four letter word, and one we should all take the time to do more of...with everyone...people we know well, people we don't know well, strangers, friends, co-workers, family, etc....

We need to be an encourager of others.  We need to help others defy the limitations they have grown to believe about themselves, about their world, about their futures.

I went to a ministry retreat last October, and one of the phenomenal women I met there nicknamed me the "Encourager" of our little group that seemed to band and bond together virtually immediately...and I have been reminded of that as I was encouraged so much yesterday....and I took pause....because I need to BE that more in my life...Every. Day.  I want to represent the faith in me that person had...that I am a great Encourager of others.  All others.

So with that said....



If you know me, you know that my love of Robert Frost knows no bounds. This quote is a great example of why.  Bullying is the very opposite of encouraging.  Let that sink in.  I am not sure that our society, as a collective whole, understands how much bullying we all do, WE, every day in our words, actions, e-mails, etc.  If you are not encouraging someone, I think it is healthy to take a look and make sure you are not, in reality, bullying them....if even ever so slightly.

We are a society that has forgotten that it is okay, even healthy, for all of us to not believe the same things.  It is okay that we are not exactly alike. It is okay to be different. 

I, as a person, too often forget this as well...yesterday when I received encouragement by three different people, in three very different ways, I was reminded not only that I am okay...who I am is blissfully okay, but I was also reminded that I need to not bully myself into silence.

*Sigh*

Yeah I said it, and sadly I do it.  Screw the multiple people that try to put a muzzle on me through their own bullying of me.  The real culprit I am suddenly keenly aware of is myself.  I bully me.  I bully myself with fear, doubt, negative thoughts, past mistakes, insecurities, knowledge of people out there that I know don't like me, don't respect me, have hurt me....all that ICK....hangs over me, and I allow it to define me. Define who I am. Define who I show to the world. Define who I see in my own reflection in the mirror. Define me.

*Ugh*

Enough.

I am going to work to turn this page.  I am going to turn it for myself.  I am going to turn it for others.  I am going to work at being an encourager of myself.  I am also going to work harder at being an encourager others...Every. Day...and more...and more....and more.

*Tears*

The growth I am feeling is at times incredibly painful. It is hard work.  My God is working on me in ways I could never have imagined.  My world is working on me in ways I have never experienced.  I am pushing on 42, and some days I feel like that 18 year old embracing the great big world that lay before her. I swear my beliefs, my core, my strengths, my weaknesses, my dreams...are all changing...some are getting stronger, some weaker. They are growing, being re-defined. Things I have known to my core were black and white are suddenly blissfully gray.  Some things that have always been gray, are now black and white. What I want to be when I grow up has evolved, and is evolving...Every. Day.  What I believe I can be when I grow up is evolving...Every. Day.

Maybe all of this is how everyone feels.  Maybe I am on the verge of a mid-life crisis. :))))  I don't know.  What I do know is that I am happier with who I am, and who I am becoming than I have ever been at any point in my 41 years...Ever.

My name is Heather Ruth Nelson, and ladies and gentlemen....I may have finally reached emotional adulthood. (my old friend John H. is laughing hysterically right now)  Okay, maybe I am finally reaching...that might be too bold of me to claim I have arrived...yet. :)

Life is about change.  No one knows that better than I do.  I am blessed to have an outlet for the craziness that rattles around my mind 24/7 and boomerangs inside my heart. I was reminded by events yesterday that people read this blog of only my musings, and while I am blown away by that fact...I also recognize that I have a responsibility...not to the readers, but to myself to always remain honest...in this space...here.  I don't always post what I write, but what I do post needs to be my own.  My writing is, in all honesty, teaching me who I am.  I am not sure that I have always been crystal clear on that. In fact, I know I haven't....so, thank you for reading...if you are out there; what a blessing you are to this novice writer. :)))

So, what is the point today....

Don't let yourself be defined by others...not even yourself.

Be an ENCOURAGER of others....even the others that don't believe the same way you do. We all have our own path. We each deserve the opportunity to walk that path that is our own. {Truth.}

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” ~ Mother Teresa

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Monday, April 8, 2013

Why I Write - The Journey I Am On


I could not have said it better myself.

I am reading this great book right now, "Writing to Change the World" by Mary Pipher because I long for higher aspirations for my writing, but they are just that...aspirations.  I have no allusions of grandeur when I sit down at my computer to write, or when I pull out my Moleskine and start journaling long hand.  In fact, most times, I never hit "publish" on this blog, or actually type into here something I have written down on paper.  The thoughts too raw, too vulnerable, too real...and I fear the judgment, the knowing, the revelation simply to/of myself in whatever it is I have quite literally unearthed from my soul into words.

*Sigh*

I am disappointed in myself over that truth. 

The beauty of social media is that you can share thoughts, ideas, articles, books, movies, etc.  The downside is that you can share thoughts, ideas, articles, books, movies, etc. 

*Sigh*

It saddens me when I lose a follower or a friend on a social media site because I know that something I have posted, said, or done has offended them. It breaks my heart that I have hurt them.  I have many friends who feel the same way, and we talk about the "high school effect" of social media.  You are wildly popular or wildly scorned...or invisible.

Invisible.

That word gives me great pause.

I believe this is why I have a love/hate relationship with social media, and with writing. I live at the intersection of not knowing whether or not I want to be invisible or shout from a mountain top.

*Sigh*

This...is why I can never go into politics. Americans like their politicians like they like their coffee...strong, bland, predictable.  While I toy with the first two, the last one I am NEVER. I base my decisions on gut instinct, intuition, faith, and a core belief in doing the right thing in all things. Not only does that make me unpredictable, it makes me a woman without a party.  I don't believe in party platforms anymore than I believe that there is one all-knowing religion out there that "nailed it" when it comes to what God wanted/wants. 

Which leads me to a story... 

I sat around a fire pit this past weekend with a literal melting pot of individuals. It was breathtaking to me as I leaned back in my rocker with a quilt over my lap and drank in the scene. The conversations were as varied as the beliefs of the individuals having them. One of the people there didn't believe in God. They actually said to me that in getting to know me, I was probably the first person they had ever spent substantial time with that had faith as a core belief in guiding their life. {My eyes started getting misty.} That statement led to a conversation about their childhood experiences with the church.  This is a person who dedicates their life to others. Unbelievably so.  YET, they don't go to church, don't believe in God, and before this past weekend considered themselves borderline agnostic.

Fast forward to Sunday....

Some of this same group of people were at a birthday brunch.  Birthday girl offers up a prayer before our meal. Beautiful.

But wait....

Before we could all dig in, the person quizzing me from the night before, suddenly wanted to offer up their own prayer. {My eyes welled up.}  I had to wonder, had that conversation the night before given this person some new found faith or courage to show some faith???  They had laughed at my "you can't hate people into heaven" stance just a few weeks before, yet had they realized with all of us sharing our diverse faiths the night before that struggling to find their own was okay. That God's love is universal with no borders???  The questions flooded my brains in waves. I was shocked, blissfully shocked.  I had to take a nap yesterday afternoon to recover. ;)

Now...I don't tell this story for any other reason than to point out (to myself if no one else) that it is okay to be me.  Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.  There are politicians, Christians, individuals out there that I admire...wish I could be more like....try to emulate at times....that I love. Absolutely love.  BUT...I am not them. I cannot live in their skin, and I cannot make their skin my own.  I have to (for lack of a better phrase) love the skin I am in.  I have to be okay with living, speaking, doing, writing my own truth. Whatever that is.  My voice is not always popular or even clear (sometimes I think as I speak), but it is my own.  My own.

That is a very tall order for this woman.  I am sure there are arm-chair psychologists out there who understand it far better than I ever will, but all I know for myself is that it is a struggle...for me....and one I am challenged with...Every. Day.

The challenges of my nearly 42 years have given me inner strength, great empathy, a questioning nature, revolutionist tendencies, deep resolve, a deeply stubborn nature, love of laughter, tenacity, driven-ness, tremendous faith, deep hope, a quiet anger (which sometimes becomes a roar), great love, tenderness, and an openness towards people and things I do not understand.  That would be my curious nature, which has to be my personal favorite of all of my character traits.  I am deeply curious about the whys and wherefores of life in general, of people, of people's choices, of what makes them tick.  I guess I never got out of the terrible twos; I am perpetually in the "Why?" phase. :)

So why do I write?

I write to understand myself.

I am still searching to understand the whys and wherefores of me, my life, my choices, and my world.

I can only hope that my searching will be met with empathy and understanding, and that maybe in some small, minuscule way, it will help someone else along their own journey. 

“Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.
Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

 

 
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Spin Zone

I feel like my head and body are in the middle of the spin cycle of a washing machine.  So who knows what could come out on here....

:)

So I just found out that a potential two year (volunteer) gig with another two tacked on afterwards is off, and suddenly I am spinning out. What ever will I do with all of this time, money, and energy???  Oh my gosh.  I am nearly giddy...and frozen in my seat because I don't quite no what to do with myself.

How ridiculous is that????


One of my mantras...goals...hopes for 2013 was to "Stop the glorification of busy" of which I am a life, if not founding, member. :(

That said, it is like an addiction, and when you are taken off something, no matter how much you need to be off of it, the withdrawals are horrific...and at times, worse than the original drug.  So imagine me sitting at my desk with the first senses of euphoria followed shortly thereafter by the pangs of panic. Not pretty.

How did I get this bad???

I am now starting to laugh.

I just updated my trust this morning, which I might add has more details and instructions than a nuclear warhead, and so it is striking me that I am quite simply...this bad....all the time...about everything in my life.  I can see my trust attorney nodding as I can remember now years ago telling her I wanted to have control from the grave. Grief. I am horrible.

Hello, I am a woman, and I am a control freak, and I am addicted to being busy.

Welcome to the Spin Zone.

*Sigh*

So.....I am a little over a year away from suddenly having all of this new free time, energy, and money (frankly), so please don't rush to send me ideas on how to fill the gaps. :)))  It may take me the next year to get ready for the withdrawal considering just the idea of it nearly made me catatonic this morning.

Of all the things I am learning in 2013, I think the hardest is that in my quest to be "good"...*Sigh*...I have been oh so bad.  To myself most of all.  I am also learning that I am not alone in this, and I am wondering if we shouldn't all start a support group of some kind. Then again, where would we fit the meetings in? :)

I have spent the first three months of this year purging my life (physically, emotionally, "things", bad habits, etc.) like never before, but the more I purge, the more I recognize how much more there is to do. I have too much stuff. Too much emotional baggage. Too many extracurricular activities.  Too, too much of so much. It is liberating to shed it, but it is also difficult to let go of the "busy" in my life. 

We all have our personal crutches.  Being SO busy is certainly a big one for me. So don't be surprised if you see me "spin" out from time to time as I wean myself off of the drug of a life spent never saying, "no"...:)

So here is saying yes to life.  Yes to being free.


Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)