Saturday, October 6, 2012

The Beauty In Walking Away

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I just got off the phone with one of my oldest and dearest friends, and his wise counsel gave me pause.  It wasn't really counsel actually...he was teasing me that he and I needed a helper...actually, I told him he needed a nurse which led to us both deciding that we didn't know no better than to get ourselves in trouble from time-to-time...(working outside when it is freezing and we have a sinus infection to trying to lift a table by ourselves (we were the kids that played in old refrigerators out behind the barn...everyone is nodding knowingly now because you either were one or knew one of those kids)...and we were in desperate need of a "keeper"...:)))

Maybe you had to be there...

The thing is that I have had to deal with a business for over a year, and it has not been a good experience...At. All.  They have been rude to me, disrespectful, condescending, sexist...on top of which they can't seem to actually DO the job they are being paid to do, and they don't seem to like me holding them accountable for the job I have paid good, hard earned money for.  Well, I lost it yesterday.  I mean LOST it.  I hit the wall as they came back a fifth time in a month, third time in a week, with a mistake.  *Ugh*  They took no responsibility for the continued mess up, had no solution, and then appeared dumbfounded when I looked at them incredulously and said I have had enough and walked out.  I actually might have yelled that last part.

Long story short...I am going to have to deal with them at least one more time because they have messed up the original problem so much that it is actually worse than before so I am almost hostage to them until they can get it (at a minimum) back to the original problem.  *Double Sigh*

By the time I got home, I was still shaking...and suddenly crying.  At them?  Oh no...do you not know me....I was crying because I was mad at myself for losing my cool.....for lowering myself to their level.  *Triple Sigh*

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Oh it sucks completely to be me sometimes.

I have to say that I told Lee part of the story this morning, and he laughed out loud...he had just had this discussion with someone else about how women feel bad after getting upset or standing up for themselves...and I was NOT offended because he was absolutely right.  Absolutely.  First, it is hard as women to stand up for ourselves. Second, if we can rustle up our gumption and actually do it, too often we are made to feel unladylike, *itchy, etc.  Third, whether we are made to feel that way or not, we inevitably ALWAYS feel guilty for being unladylike, etc.  It is a viscous cycle.  I am a living example of that cycle. 

Sometimes it is better to simply walk away. 

I say that, but I must add that you really should not spend your money, your time, your efforts on people, businesses, etc. that are not respectful and kind towards you...whether you be man, woman, or child.  We can speak volumes with our pocketbooks and our choices.  This is something I am working hard to remember.  It is never okay for me (personally...not preaching) to lower myself to their level because with my personality, I always feel worse on the other side (even though I might have been fully justified).  For me, it is better for me to simply walk away and give my business to people who are customer-centric, to people around me who genuinely care, and to things that give me joy (not frustration beyond belief).

This whole experience is causing me to do a self-audit.  What businesses do I give my money to that are not good (in general or specifically)?  What people are in my life and sucking the joy out of it...and out of me?  Where do I need to stop beating my head against the wall and quite simply and quietly walk away?

Bless my heart.  I want to save the world and right the wrongs, but I can't save everybody nor right all wrongs.  I must...must learn to be okay with this.

"I am with you always." ~ Matthew 28:20 (even when I don't deserve it)

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)

Afterthoughts...

Often once I write, publish, post something...I come back to it later wishing I had said something a little differently...not misspelled so many words...wish I had added a certain quote or photo...tonight for me it was wishing I had added a song to this particular post.  Diana Krall's latest album Glad Rag Doll came out this week.  My nearest and dearest know that I am a HUGE Diana Krall fan, and I tribute her music for helping me to survive 80 hour work weeks combined with nightly MBA classes for many years.  That said, she has a song on the album entitled Wide River to Cross, and I must say that it feels autobiographical for the way I view my life...but in particular how I have viewed my life this whole year, and ironically the things I continue to learn about myself on a daily basis (like this post's topic).  I consider myself an imperfect, work-in-process, a sinner not a saint, a girl at heart, a woman to my core, tenderhearted, driven, a refugee, saved by grace, a gypsy, and loved.  That last one is a kicker...at my best or at my worst, I am loved.  I know that.  I forget it...a lot, but I usually remember in time.   I hope you know that you are loved.  I pray that I learn to show more love, more grace, and more understanding...for all of us have a long, hard road in this life...and a wide river to cross.

2 comments:

  1. I, for one, am proud of how you are crossing the river. I love you.

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    1. Bless your heart and THANK you! I love you too...you have been a big help in the crossing this year...I owe you and your friendship so very much. :)

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