I must say that I am not particularly excited to get up and go this morning. It is the final leg of a trip that started early last Wednesday morning, and it will come to an end this evening when I arrive at The Workshop.
I have had the loveliest, most amazing time...both traveling alone on the road trip portion and at the women's retreat in Colorado. I see myself and my life in a different way. I have a sense of peace regarding my future. My body is resting in a deeper way than it has been...well, in months, maybe in years.
Last night I posted the lyrics to Hopeless Wanderer...I have literally and figuratively come out of the woods. I am wondering how I am going to be able to explain to those I love what happened during those four days at the retreat. I called my Sis late yesterday afternoon and then Mama when I got to the hotel, and I could not find words to describe...other than simply repeating, "It was awesome!" over and over again. :)))
I remember a line in one of John Eldredge's book, or on one of his podcasts, where he talked about going away and just communing with nature, alone, over a few days. Just him and God. He paused briefly when recounting the story, and then says, "...and God met me there." in the softest, delicate of tones. It was a simple statement, and it was beautiful. I have absolutely felt God with me in my life, but not like what I heard in John's voice, his tone in the re-telling of his trip. I felt it completely over the four days. Completely.
During the retreat, we were given numerous times during the day for absolute quiet (no talking to others, etc.). It was a time to journal, to reflect, to pray, to meditate, to sleep...whatever you needed to do. Below is a picture of "my spot" where I spent those quiet times. This is the final picture I took before leaving yesterday.
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| My Spot. |
...and God met me there.
*Exhale*
I don't know what else to say or how else to explain it. {Though my journals would be KA-POW WOW. :) }
I left a lot of old baggage, dead weight, tears, mistakes, sins, regrets, fears, torments, anger, pain, and angst on that mountain. Whew! I feel lighter...literally and figuratively. :)))
I have a long road ahead of me...a lifelong baggage carrier cannot be completely cured in four days, but I am further along than I have ever been before. Mainly because I see where the baggage comes from, my own role and responsibility in "packing and carrying" it, and how to get rid of it when it starts sneaking up on me again.
We all have "stuff" that we carry around with us...Every. Day. Whether we want to admit it or not, this "baggage" impacts our relationships, our work, our play, our friends, our families, our church, our decisions...Everything.
I forgave myself for a lot of sh*%, and I was reminded by God that he had no recollection of ANY of it because he had forgiven me long ago. How I love myself...Every. Day. is a reflection of how I love others. *Ouch* It is also a reflection of how I allow God to love me. *Sigh*
I met some tremendous, glorious, wonderful, warrior women in Colorado. I am not alone in this journey. We all have a long road. We must build each other up. Support one another. Love one another. I love them. Big (((HUGS)))!!
Well...as much as I don't want to...it is time to pack up the Jeep one more time and head East. I am not alone though...I am not afraid. He is here. Still.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. " ~ Proverbs 4:23
Everything I am. Everything I will ever be. It all begins and ends with my heart. :)
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)
