My father had triple bypass (with a twist) this week.
My grandmother turned 90 years old.
Nora Ephron passsed away.
My future continued to reveal itself in a myriad of ways...all positive.
My past* continued to reveal it's true colors...all negative. (*gave that up to a higher power)
In all of this...I was NOT alone.
Hmmmm...
In the vein of "what did I learn this week" let me say...I learned that for all of my "I got it!" proclamations, that I am really not alone. Why, you may wonder, for this sudden revelation? Well, there is a wonderful line in the movie Ya Ya Sisterhood where Vivian says, "I dropped my basket." in reference to when she had a nervous breakdown. I LOVE that line. :) Well, I didn't drop my basket, per se, but it got so heavy this week that I sat it down. I didn't drop it...I didn't throw it....I didn't toss it...I very gently, and with little fanfare simply sat it down. I then did the most wondrous thing...I exhaled.
I digress...
I am a yesoholic. My name is Heather Nelson, and I am a yesholic. I have absolutely zero ability to keep myself from saying "yes" to...well, absolutely everything.
I need help. The first step is admitting you have a problem, but I did that years ago. :) The big step, for me, was reaching the point where I could simply not say yes to one more thing...I mean it was physically, mentally, and spiritually IMPOSSIBLE. I reached this point Tuesday evening at 9:45 p.m.
The funny thing is...in my head...as "the moment" was happening...I could hear, very gently but firmly, "Enough." So I am left wondering if I had the revelation and sat down the basket on my own, or if God simply intervened and sat it down for me, proclaiming "Enough.". The majority of me believes it was the latter.
All week I have been inundated by messages, texts, calls, etc. from co-workers, friends, and family inquiring about dad, Granny, and a host of other things going on in my life. They have made me laugh and smile. They have offered help. They have sent help (Leila Alston ROCKS!). They have enveloped me/us with their love and prayers. Yet, for all of the amazing support...it was not enough...I completely outstripped my air cover. I was alone out there in the mental minefield of having overcommitted myself to taking care of too many people, too many things, etc. and juggling and struggling until that moment hit...and God said, "Enough."
He didn't even ask the question, "Are you done yet?" He intervened, took the bullet, sat me down (ever so gently), and made the decision for me. Enough is enough. In that moment, my heavenly father became my champion.
How glad I am for that. :)
I cannot say "yes" to everything and everybody in my life. We cannot say "yes" to everything and everybody in our lives.
But what if we disappoint someone? But they NEED us? What if I lose a deal because I am not there? What if....What if....What if.
We cannot be everywhere, do everything, see everybody, say all of the right things, do all of the right things, take care of everybody, smile ALL the time, never mess up....shall I keep going?!
When you are a yesoholic you turn "yes" into a four letter word. I have turned yes into a four letter word.
I love my life. I am one blessed girl, and I don't need anyone to point that out for me...I KNOW it...very well. Part of the reason that I am blessed and have a wonderful life is because I have said "yes" to so many wonderful people, opportunities, etc. BUT, and yes there is a but, I have hit the point of diminishing rate of return. I am saying yes to so many things, that I no longer have time to enjoy any of them. Shame on me.
I am a yesoholic. I am betting that one or two that read this post are nodding right now knowingly...because you too are a yesoholic.
My father gets to come home today.
My grandmother had a wonderful birthday even though a few of us had to be elsewhere (CCU).
Nora Ephron passed away...with the onslaught of coverage about her life and career, I was reminded of both how amazing and inspiring she is/was...and that dreams matter...dreams are important...go for it.
My future...well, it is rolling out beautifully...probably because I trusted God enough and he helped (is helping) me to finally trust others...and let myself be helped.
My past...well, God is all over it; he has said, "I got it. I am not defined by it...or in some cases, by "them".
Life goes on. I sat down my basket. I trusted. I used the word "no" a few times. The world didn't stop spinning on its axis. Life goes barreling on.
There is hope for all of us yesoholics out there...there is hope. I am SO glad for that. :)
Go take "no" out for a spin this weekend...see how it goes. I am betting that you will be glad you did. :)))
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)