Monday, May 7, 2012

What I Do ~ Who I Am

Here is a news flash.  What I do is not who I am.

Recently, in comparing me to someone else, someone used my occupation to make the point that the vast divide between my occupation and another's was too great to be bridged...for our friendship.  What?!?!

It was one of those moments, that I readily admit are rare for me, when I was utterly and completely held speechless by my shock.  Speechless. 

Two weeks later I read a post by a co-worker discussing their weekend plans in a way that let you know they were stripping down the layers of their week and taking a swim in lake me.  That said, their phrasing concerned me...because I am an over-analyzer.  We have already made that point...somewhere back in the archives of this blog...I am sure. :)


I digress...

So, shockingly, I have been pondering on this for a couple of weeks now.

Then I had today happen. 

Holy Smokes Batman!

I was furious, but in that eerily calm way that, for those that know you well, is even scarier than the raging lunatic version.  For a moment, I questioned eleven months worth of work, and then...like a lightening bolt...I remembered all that has come out of the past eleven months. 

What I do is not who I am.

If I prove to not be successful, by the world's standards, in this life, it will surely be traced back to the fact that I simply cannot close the deal.  I cannot be something that I am not, even if it means more money, more opportunity, more accolades, etc.  I simply cannot NOT be who I am. 

I was told recently that I was risking losing a big potential accolade because I had been speaking out against something and someone that...well let us just say...you don't do.  I point blank stated that I did not care.  I was going to speak out for what I believed to be right and just, and if it lost me the opportunity so be it.

What I do is not who I am.

...or is it?

This life holds a number of paths for any and every individual that walks the face of this earth.  There is never any one choice for any of us.  Never.  We have options.

I don't believe for a second that I am any better or worse than any other person on this earth.  In fact, I would dare say that I fail more often than most.  There is no greatness, or lack thereof, in the number of times we fail or succeed.  The greatness is what do we do with the choices we have in front of us...at any given moment.  Dare I say, the lessons we discover in the highs and lows of our lives.

I believe part of my problem is that I am led, by something, to be who I am in all that I do.  I envy those who can compartmentalize their lives.  I always have, and for the record, I have tried valiantly to attempt that way of life.  Time and again, I fail at it.  *Sigh* 

The problem with me is that I have had too many mentors, and I have listened to them too well.  I do believe that you can be "real" and be successful...in life, in work, in church.  The problem is
only when I fail to believe that myself...if only for a time.

What I do is not who I am...yet.  It will be.  It must be.

In each of us, lies a deep burning desire to be more, to do more.  I wonder if all of us shouldn't listen to our higher selves more often???  What dream are you passing up because you listen to the world and the promise of worldly accolades instead of what burns inside your very soul?  I often say, "I don't know no better than to tell the truth."  I am thinking it might be nice to start with telling the truth to myself. *Sigh*

What I do is not who I am, but it is an extension of who I am....at every stop along my path.  There is no great sin in U turns, yield signs, or the scenic view.  There is a sin in subjugating who you are while doing something you are not.

Life is about choices....in love, in work, in everything.  I don't want to be anything but me....God help us all...whoever that might be.  I want every part of my life to reflect whoever I am.  Whoever I was intended to be. 

Excuse me.  I have a lot of work to do.  :)))

Watch out...Pollyanna is loose again. ;)

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

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