I have thought a lot about letting go lately. Love. Loss. Love and loss. The fear. The fear of loss.
I have been let go of a lot in my life. By parents, grandparents, old loves, new loves, strangers, friends, co-workers, and the list goes on. We all have these lists. All of us have been let go of by someone. Sometimes it is the letting go that unites us more than all of the things that naturally bind us. Ever pondered that?
If the letting go/being let go of isn't enough to kill you, sometimes the process is...
When my grandmother (on my mother's side) passed away it nearly took me out. I still have guilt over the fact that she died in that hospital room...alone. Her passing changed me, but the process in which she died changed my future actions. I don't leave people alone in hospitals; it scares me to death. It, quite simply, is paralyzing to me...to my heart.
My first love was this boy I knew from church. He was a couple of years older than me. I was 13 and he was 15. It was completely sweet and innocent; I had that first crush that either makes or breaks you. I went away for two weeks at my grandmother's in Memphis, and when I returned he had started dating an older girl (I think she might have been 16 or 17) from church. I was devastated. He never said a word to me about the whys and wherefores. I came back; he was with her. Poof.
It is funny that when a new someone lets go of you (for whatever reason in whatever way), it triggers every deep memory of anyone who has ever let you go (in whatever way). How is that??
What I am learning (with age) is that whether you are the one letting go or the one being let go of, it is incredibly painful. The pain is either immediate or it comes as regret, in time. Which is worse depends on who you ask, and when.
There is such a sermon in this topic....the God who doesn't leave us, his faithfulness, his love.
I am just not much on preaching one...right now I am simply struggling with letting go and all that means for little ole' me. I am though grateful to God because last week when I crashed, he broke my fall, but I am a long way from standing up on my own two feet. I am struggling to crawl to my knees right now.
I wrote a song about that once...
I need to be flat on my face right now.
I need to wallow here for a moment or two.
I need to catch my breath.
Letting go. Sucks.
Being let go of. Sucks.
Love. Loss. Letting go.
The world keeps spinning. It is still spinning...right? :)
Just kidding. :)))
“Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?” ~ Leo Buscaglia
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)