So you know why you are sabotaging yourself. You have kicked yourself in the tail-end.
Well if you thought the first part was difficult, the second part is not any better. You have to look around and see who you are surrounding yourself with. Family, friends, co-workers, people from church, your local coffee shop...WHO is in your life, and who is in your life in a major way. Are they Debbie Downers or Pollyanna's? When you are down, do they go there with you, or worse take you down further....OR do they work to help you see the other side or rest of the story? In a nut shell, are they dark clouds or sunshine?
I cannot stress this enough. You are who you surround yourself with in your life. It is not only a reflection of who you are; it is a contributor to who you are. Now don't go crazy...I do not care what these people wear or drive, I am talking about WHO they are as people, and WHAT they are feeding your head and heart with (in words and actions).
A decade ago I sat in a restaurant with a young friend who was only a couple of years out of college, and they had worked their self into a frenzy about some of their friendships. They had friends for years that they no longer had things in common with, and they didn't know what to do. I remember counseling them that there are friendships and relationships in our lives that last a lifetime, but there are others that are just for a time. (Note: Years later I read the book Eat, Pray Love, and I wish I had used the phrase..."...send them light and love every time you think of them" which is such a beautiful thought.). The point is that not all relationships are for a lifetime.
Some are not more than a one-time chance encounter. I believe it was around 1996 when I had a chance encounter with a complete stranger in a bookstore. He recommended and handed me a book called Rising Tide that has changed my life. I have bought at least 50 copies of it since and given them as gifts to others. I had more compassion and understanding of Hurricane Katrina when it hit because I had read that book years earlier. Every time I pick up the book, I think of that man, and I wish I knew his name or address so I could send him a thank you note. A chance encounter, a wonderful visit in a bookstore, and a book that has helped shape me and my thoughts.
Who is in your life? Who could be in your life (if just for a moment) that you are not allowing yourself to be open to?
Is it that you are bringing them up, or are they bringing you down?
Making difficult choices about people you love (or loved), old friends, etc., is difficult. It is more difficult though to allow other's negativity to bring you down.
Who are you surrounding yourself with?
Ponder on this as a next step in determining why you are sabotaging yourself. This is not a fun process, but on the other side...you will be glad you pushed yourself through the process.
Note: You cannot rid yourself of all negativity everywhere. For some of you, who you are is bringing a ray of light to dark places. Don't over analyze the point of this post. Everything in your life cannot be dark and/or negative. You have to have safe zones where you renew your own light before you go back into those dark places.
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)