Monday, January 9, 2012

Learning

I am learning.

I am struggling, but I am learning.

I am frustrated by my struggling, but I am learning.

I am learning.

I am such an idiot.  I always talk about being a work-in-process.  How I never want to stop learning. Yada, yada, yada.

Ugh!  So easy to say...so difficult to live through...

*Sigh*

This past weekend, my nephews taught me love, patience, home...and neither of them knew it.  There was no big spectacle. Simply them being them, and they are so...amazing. 

My Jon is so far beyond his years in spirit and intelligence, sometimes I find myself just watching him.  I could learn a lot more if I took more time to watch him conduct himself.  He exhibits all of the leadership skills that I see men and women four and five times his age struggle with...Every. Day.  Jon, well he is 11 going on 55.

My Sam is an enigma to me.  He exudes confidence.  At 13, he is already a leader among his peers.  He uses laughter as a leadership tool without even knowing it.  He has a warrior's heart...which is to say he is marshmallow fluff hidden by a killer six-pack of abs.

When you live the life of a gypsy, those closest to you live it with you.  In my life, nobody has been impacted more profoundly by my life-in-process than Jordan, Sam and Jon (or "my babies" as I often refer to them).  They are not my children, but I would claim them every day of the week and twice on Sunday.  AND, I do. :)

When I look back at the great lessons of my life, more often than not, they begin or end with these three beautiful children.  They have taught me far more than I them, and by far their lessons have been more useful than mine.

I often find myself lost in thought remembering something they have said or done.  I look at their pictures which surround me wherever I am, and I tear up almost instantly mournful for time lost and time spent.  They have loved me, challenged me, schooled me, and hugged me through the highs and lows of the last 18 years.  My relationship with them is by far my greatest accomplishment, and when something happens that shines a light on my relationships with them...well, it takes my breath away.

Learning is an act of courage.  Living is an act of courage.  I pray that as long as I am living, I am learning.  I pray that I have helped to teach that to these children who by their daily actions are constantly teaching me. 

To love is to learn.  That is what I am still learning...Every. Day.

Learn. Live. Love.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

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