Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Bullies Come In All Shapes and Sizes

I started this post, scrapped it, and decided to go in a different direction.  That is the difference between one cup of coffee and two. :)

There is a lot of press around bullies and bullying between children, but I want to shine a light on what is not being discussed...adult bullies. 

Bullies come in all shapes and sizes ~ friends, family, and of course foe.  More often than not a bully doesn't perceive themselves as such, and that my friend, is when they get the most dangerous. 

I confronted a work bully recently, and it took me two days to sort out my feelings from it.  My strength is that I am self aware, my weakness is I am self aware.  After the fact, I chewed that situation up so much...there was no flavor left.  I have no tolerance for meanness, and I will not let it happen on my watch for those that work for me.  I saw that tolerated in my previous jobs, and I definitely made that a non-negotiable where I am now.  We WILL be nice to each other.  Period. 

The crazy thing about confronting a bully is their defiance and obliviousness that they did anything wrong.  It is like you are staring into a great black abyss when you look into their eyes.  Like, "What?!?"  Unbelievable.  I really think that is why most people never confront bullies and instead simply let them go about their wretched lives leaving pain and hurt feelings wherever they go.  People's excuse for not confronting bullies is because they don't want them to turn on them, but I wonder if they know that they are truly void and what good would it do.  Either way...I am coming up on "hitting a wall" in terms of dealing with them.  For those that know me, they are crystal clear what that means....for those that don't, I will have to cover it later in a separate post.



To all of those out there bullying...you're just a memory (or you will be).  To all of those out there getting bullied...this too shall pass. 

There is a lot to be glad about in this post.  I am glad that I am in a role now where I can really make a difference in people's lives.  I am glad that I have empathy for those that are being bullied and can spot it a mile off (due to my own experiences with it).  I am glad that I have the ability to deal kindly yet firmly with bullies so as to hopefully teach them (if possible) and protect those that work for me.

Those are my went wells...now for my next times....

Even I have to recognize that bullying is not just in words....there is cyber stalking, gossiping, ying-yanging (as I call it), and a whole host of ways in which to bully in this day and age.  I have to remember that it is not always the obvious.  I have to become braver in dealing with it in my own life.  Going along to get along is not a bad thing, but it is not always a good thing either...when I do that I have to ask myself, am I owning my power or subjugating my power to a bully?

I challenge you to look in your own lives to make sure you are not bullying others or being bullied.  If you find that you are, stop.  If you find that you are being bullied....I challenge you to confront and deal with it....kindly yet firmly.

How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time. 

How do we change the world?  One act of bravery at a time.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

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