Last night, after another long day, this song came on the radio as I was driving home, and it made me smile ~ Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not. Luckily I have Sirus radio in my car so I was able to note the group and the name of the song. Yes, it was that good. I could not stop smiling, and that was after a 14 hour day.
I, of course, googled the group when I got home and found the video on YouTube. Loved it...even more. In looking around, I found another song by them, Glass, and it left me speechless and breathless.
Let me just say, relationships are hard. All relationships are hard. Period.
I am not just a old pro at them either. I come from relationship-challenged stock (shall we say). I have to really work at them (and by them, I mean ALL types of relationships), and I take it especially hard when I fail at them. You notice I said, "I fail." I also have a hard time discerning when the faults are mine or the other person's/people. I am a work in process. Trust me on this.
I remember when I was a little girl, I dreamed of finding my soul mate, my partner...that dream was crystallized when my parents split (I was 9 years old)...I guess I wanted to believe that someday there would be someone in my life who would love me AND never leave me. When you are left emotionally and/or physically as a child, the scars left behind are deep and real...and God, faith, success, friends...nothing ever really heals those wounds.
At my age, I have had lots of time to work on all of my "quirks" (shall we say), and I have done a good job (if I do say so myself). I am very self-aware of when a "trigger" is being set off; it sounds more like the giant red light alarm in a nuclear power plant going off in my head. I then can work to not over-react or under-react. It sounds silly, but we all do this...I am just the only one who is dumb enough to admit it out loud (in a blog)! :)
I digress.
For someone like me (emotionally broken (lets call it that)), finding your other half...the missing piece of your puzzle is comparable to winning the lottery. The odds really are a million to one that you will find them at all. When you toss in my age, well the odds double. I'm not trying to be dramatic; I'm a realist.
So whether it is a romantic relationship, parental, child, friend, co-worker...finding the right fit (or the missing piece to the puzzle), isn't always easy. Then you have to remember that everybody carries baggage, and you have to be sensitive to that. Every. Day. You have to be honest with yourself that you are carrying it too. Every. Day.
That brings me to last night...I have never heard a song quite like "Glass" because it nails that beautiful mess that comes with finding the love of your life, who just happens to be toting as much luggage as you on their journey. Wow! Plus, they are human too. Well, now you are simply asking too much. :) :)
Relationships are hard. All relationships are hard.
Are you going to own your relationship(s) (even with a trunk full of luggage)? Are you going to wimp out because it is simply too hard? Are you going to judge from your ivory tower? Are you going to get real with people?
Today, I got to speak with one of the best mentors I have ever had, and after nearly 15 years (I haven't spoken with her by phone in several years; she is far away now.), she is as amazing today as ever...she gives you chills when she speaks. Today, we spoke about when she first met me, all the strengths and weaknesses I had...see, I don't just talk it...I live it...I'm getting coached daily. :) I digress. She was the one that 15 years ago told me that while I was a hard worker, I could come off as robotic (that killed me to my core). She told me I had to get real with people; I had to show my humanity. Wow! I changed that day. A switch went off inside my head, but more importantly in my heart and soul. It was not easy, and it certainly took time. I was scared to death to be real...I could control tasks...emotion? I could not control that, and it terrified me. To this day, I have never forgotten her wisdom or her lessons. I shared with her that I find myself teaching those same lessons to others every day. Today, lets just be clear...I was a proud pupil (you would have thought I was 5 years old)!! :)
The real aha today (for me) came when I realized that while I had certainly learned those lessons and applied them in my professional life, I had to ask myself, had I done as well at applying them in other areas of my life?? The difficult answer..and honest one...is yes and no.
Wow.
Relationships are hard. Being real is hard. Being vulnerable is even harder.
We are glass. We really are. I am glad today for that, and even more glad that I can admit it. Let me tell you....15 years ago I could not have...Yeah, me. :) (You have to laugh at yourself.)
I might shine. I might shatter. I am fragile. I am human.
I am real. Terrified, but real nonetheless.
Thank you Linda. In a very real way, you saved me. I wish for everyone, even one mentor as gifted as you....Love, Your Extremely Grateful Pupil. :)
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)
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