Saturday, August 20, 2011

Letting Go

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Letting go...

Well, lets be honest...sometimes, it can really stink.

I find myself letting go of a lot of things lately...old dreams, people, houses, cities, old jobs, friends that have moved on, long held beliefs, certain pairs of rose-colored glasses, and on and on.  Letting go is not a simple, single act.  Too often it is a process...a long, tortuous process.  Ugh.

Make the plan ~ work the plan.

Oh...if it were only that easy. 

When I was a little girl I found a caterpillar in the yard...for some reason I thought it would make a great pet.  I kept it in a large, old mason jar in my bedroom.  I fed and watered it.  I smile with the memory because I can only imagine how I must have worn my parents out over that.  One night I went in my room and began screaming...something was eating my caterpillar.  As I remember, my father came running in and calmed me down.  He gently explained to me what was happening...(now here I have to explain...I have no memory of the period in between the caterpillar and the cocoon, in my memory it went directly...though as an adult I now know that is impossible...memories. :) ).  So there I was with a butterfly...and no, I was not allowed to keep it.  I went immediately from the shock and awe of believing my caterpillar was being eaten to learning it was becoming a butterfly to the loss of having to let it go.  Let me just say...for a 5 year old...it was traumatic. :)


You would think that after a lesson like that, I would have gotten better at letting go...you would be wrong.  Sometimes I believe I am worse at it now in my 40s than I ever was as a child.  Maybe we are all that way???

I wrote the first part of this post a week ago, and I just could not finish it.  Hmmmm....

So on this Saturday morning as I have spent the morning downloading new bible study devotionals to my IPhone/IPod...I am slowly recognizing that I am a girl in search of a way to let go.  I am reaching out for help.  I guess it was the intensity with which I spent 4 hours working hard to get the devotionals downloaded since I am technologically challenged (to say the least)...that gave it away (to myself).  I need to hear these...I need a deeper understanding of God and the whys and wherefores.  Somewhere deep inside of me I am hurting...and I am a little slow on the uptake...but I am trying to walk through the doors God is opening....even if that door is a new devotional. 

Letting go is not easy, but if you don't...it will eat you up like a cancer...destroying everything in its path.  Letting go is a lesson I am still learning...and one I have no hope of ever mastering. 

So what am I glad for today??

I am glad because for some reason the other night my boss and I discussed a bible study...that triggered something I saw on FB this a.m....that triggered me going to a website...that triggered me taking the time to select, pay and download 23 new bible studies...that hopefully will help me figure out how to not only let go of some things...but also how to embrace other things.

A beach started with one pebble of sand. 

My life started way before my parents were introduced and shook hands on a college campus long ago.  My life started when God said, "Go."  I am his and his only.  The rest I need to simply....let go.

What do you need to let go of in your life today...old pain, old memories, past mistakes, resentments, hatred, old loves...whatever it is....don't give up on yourself.  You can let go of the bad and cling only to the good. 

You can...and you will be glad you did. 

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

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