How hard is that to hear? For me...very. I want to know where I am going...I want to know what I am going to do when I get there. I just want to know.
That isn't life though...life is the unknown. Life is the journey. Life...well, life is sometimes hard.
I found myself explaining "me" to someone recently. Boy was it weird (and difficult). You may think the reason is obvious, but I bet you would be wrong. It was weird because I have changed so much in the last few years. Where I once waffled, I am decisive. Where there once was no room for compromise, I now bend. I can rattle off my non-negotiables in work and life like a pro. I know myself. There is no question who I am.
This got me to thinking about an article I read once about after you turn 40, how you seem to rid yourself of the BS/the lies you tell yourself/the crap. Is it age, maturity, stubbornness, circumstances...what is it that causes you to pause and take a complete accounting of your life...and say...enough? Enough.
What I know today is that I have NO idea where I am going, but I know EXACTLY where I have been...and God gave me the wisdom to know which is which. The point is to learn from the past so that you don't repeat it....whether in life, in business, in romance, in your faith, etc. God expects us to grow, learn, change...God expects us to make mistakes.
Yes. Yes he does. Note that I didn't say he wants us to...he simply expects it. None of us are perfect. Period. The point is what are you learning from your mistakes, your mishaps, your wrong turns?? How are you righting a wrong? What are you doing so that next time you will do better?
In grade school you get S for Satisfactory, E for Effort, etc. I wonder...would I get an E for Effort for my life? Would you? I had a boss one time that said to me, "I don't have to put expectations out there for you because you put so many out there on yourself." I always thought that was a cop out. I believe everyone needs expectations....especially people hot wired like me. It does beg the question....what are your expectations for yourself? What are your expectations of others?? Do you know the difference??
I am glad today that I know where I have been (No, really..:) ), and I am glad that I don't know (exactly) where I am going (No really...:) ). Yet I am SO glad that while I am hoping for an E for Effort...I am striving to exceed God's expectations...and my own. Hard? Yes. Impossible? No.
Are you coasting in your life, or are you excelling?
The good news...you can figure it out for yourself. Do. You will be glad you did.
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)
**This was a hard post to write...and one that has been weighing on me since last week. I tend to hibernate my writing while something rattles around in my head. Someone at church pulled me aside yesterday and said, "I miss your posts." I was so touched, and I thought to myself, if not here...where can I express this? I have been subjected to a lot of mediocrity in my life. I am confident that DNA alone is not the sole reason for my drivenness, but so much of it is in response to the mediocrity I have seen all around me in all areas of my life. I want to do better. I want others to be better to me. I want to be better. I pray every single day that I am better. I don't want to coast through my life and then coast through the pearly gates...I truly want to race to the finish line, and exclaim, "What a ride!" and be thrilled to be there, and have God be thrilled to have me. Hello, my name is Heather Nelson, and I am addicted to the drivenness in my life. I love being driven. I don't want to simply run the race though...I truly want to get better as I go. The collision of my cross purposes is profound. Simply profound. I struggle with it. I am struggling with it. The funny thing ~ I am so blessed to have the struggle. :) :)