You know you are in the middle of a gigantic pity party when you feel like everyone you come across owes you a sincere "I'm sorry."
The problem is how do you deal with someone when they seem not only incapable of forming and speaking the words, but they are clueless that they have hurt you in the first place?
If you are nodding and reading on expecting some great profound answer. I'm sorry. I don't have any good answers ~ for you or me. :(
The reality is that we all do things every day of our lives that bring others both joy and pain. Most of the time, we are very well aware of our actions and other's reactions. Unfortunately that is "most" of the time; it is those other times that tend to cause us all angst in our lives, both as receivers and givers of pain. I know in my own life that I have been aghast at times on how other's perceived an e-mail or something I said, and even more horrified by the process with which I found out I had unintentionally hurt someone. Ugh.
So, I started thinking...
If you know me, you know that my greatest pet peeve is passive aggressiveness. I see it all the time in my private and professional lives. I really see it in my community work where people walk on egg shells in an effort not to "o-ffend" others. I started wondering today if passive aggressiveness is what comes when you just stop caring what others do to you and you just want them to "go away" so to speak? Does it then turn into the more hateful version of passive aggressiveness after your not caring just grows into bitterness? You know the word "bite" is in bitterness. Coincidence? How often do you feel like people literally "bite" you with their comments? How often do you do that to them?
|You can even buy ready-made passive aggressive post-it notes...Good Grief!|
I have a lot of people in my life right now who feel put-upon. I count myself among them more often lately than I am comfortable admitting, even here in writing. Pondering this today, what I do know is that I don't want to become bitter because of pain someone purposefully or inadvertently inflicted upon me (often as a reaction to their own pain that they don't know what to do with). I often tease others with "be better not bitter", and right now I am having to eat those words.
So what I am glad about today? Well, I am glad that I have people in my life that mean enough to me that their feelings matter to me. I am glad that I have felt pain, however unpleasant, because it has taught me empathy for others. I am glad that I have this little glad game to play because whenever I have overwhelming sadness hit me, like today, I play this and everything seems better...if only for a little while.
We choose happy. Anon's quote, "Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times."
Search your day, search your month, search your life. Try not to focus on those that owe you an apology, but instead look for those that you owe an apology to. I am just thinking out loud here, but I think an "I'm sorry." could make all the difference ~ for them and you.
Labels: Glad Game, Happy, Passive Aggressiveness, Sorry