Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget how genuinely big and how delicately small this world is...and then an event like IF:Pray happens, and my heart is broken in fresh ways. *Sigh*

I am a woman struggling to refresh her voice.

Hmmmm...

Refresh.

I don't even know what that means.

I lost my voice. Found my voice. Now...now feels like something entirely different. It is my voice, but not to be used for my purposes, but for others. I find myself weighing over my words (whether vocal or written) in a new way...not out of fear or out of conformity, but out of respect, love, with an intent to heal and not harm. I have too often used my words as a weapon. I have. I own it. I hate it, but all I can do is live, learn, ask for forgiveness, and move on. Now God is teaching me how to use my gift of gab for new purposes....His purposes...not my own. Not. My. Own. Instead of being the final word...win the debate...now I seek to understand...to see behind the other person's words and actions. Is this what growing up looks like? *Nervous Laugh*

I want more time to love people. I have not spent enough of my 43 years simply loving people.

Last night as I held others, and I was being held. Tears flowing. Hearts breaking. Prayers being answered. A baby's beautiful giggle permeating the quiet and solemnness hanging in the air...at just the right time. I swear in my heart I know that was Jesus' giggling at us...with us. There was joy in that space. Pure. Joy.

Life is hard. God is all in the hard with us. He is holding our hands. Rubbing our back. Listening. He is sending us a beautiful sunny day to run away on a patio, early for a dinner meeting, fresh flowers everywhere, a soft breeze, a glass of wine, a new hairdo...he is in ALL of that. Refreshing me. Renewing me. I am here sweetheart...this beauty is for you...and there will be more angst...rest up...savor...enjoy.

Why did I miss this for so long? Idiot.

But now you know....I hear him. Now. I. Know.

Let the memory of this day....this moment stay with me. Let it stay fresh in my heart.

The next 6-7 weeks will be some of the busiest and richest of my life. Of this...I.AM.SURE. I am going to need the reminder and the little moments to remind me that the life I have been blessed with is not mine. He is calling me and planning for me new adventures...new challenges. Rest up pretty girl. I hear that loud and clear. Armor up warrior princess. Yes Sir.

Sometimes I forget to breathe.

Colorado...The Arkansas River...2012
Just as I typed that a giant breeze blew through, and I was literally transported to the mountain top of Colorado on that sunny afternoon when God caught me. The words he whispered to me, the birds chirping, and the breeze that blew every last golf ball size tear that fell. I cannot forget Colorado. He won't let me. I am MOST grateful for that.

There are going to be some strange posts (to some) over the coming weeks....for some reason I see fit to warn my readers (though they may be few). In the words of Mary Poppins, "The wind is changing..." Yes it is. I intend to change with it...for a new adventure awaits on the other side...of that I am sure.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

IF:Pray



Later tonight...groups of women...all over the world...will gather to pray....for three hours. I am co-leading a group of women here locally, and the tingling throughout my body is intense. It has been a hard few weeks leading to this event tonight. Lots has come against us individually and collectively, but I am part of a beautiful team of women who has persevered...all in the name of collective prayer.

Prayer.

So simple and yet so difficult.

I have never had any confidence in my own prayer ability. Tonight I will be sharing scripture and praying in front of a group of people...many whom I have never met. *Deep Breath*

We all have different backgrounds, different religious affiliations, but tonight we will join as one. I don't know about anyone else, but I believe this is going to be one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

I will post later this week more about what happens tonight, but quickly I wanted to document this moment of anticipation which grew out of the bravery of a lot of women...humbled to be a small part of it.

If you would like more information about IF:Pray, please feel free to click on this link. If you are local to Central Arkansas and would like to join us tonight, please click here for more information.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :) 

Monday, September 15, 2014

The Importance of Tribe

Yesterday was a FULL day. It was amazing and full and joyful and happy. It wasn't until later that evening at bedtime when the calls and e-mails and my scheduled day grinded to a halt, that I realized how God had protected my heart that whole day.

I had missed an event I would have never missed in years past, but things change and life throws you curve balls you could have never seen coming and the seasons change and life rolls endlessly on...

My heart hurt, but the sharpness of the pain was gone. I could both remember and know with pure love and joy for those I was not with...and it was beautiful. I could feel my heart exhale.

I could breathe.

Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of my life, I too easily forget how much I have already been healed. I forget how much I am loved. I forget how far I have come. I forget...I forget.

Last night, the final thing I had blocked out to do was a long overdue FaceTime call with Sherri from my C7. Listening to all that is working in her life and mine felt like such confirmation that we have come so far...that we are on the right path. When Sherri and I met we were both broken (though I imagine more broken than either of us thought when we landed on that Colorado mountain), and we were searching...for the whys and wherefores that plague every woman...every person.

What Sherri, and all of the C7, have taught me is the importance of tribe. They not only taught me that I was not in it alone, but that there were others struggling as much as I was (then Haiti taught me (among a zillion other things) that I was a complete douche because my struggles weren't the half of it). So many of us grow up believing that it is all on us...whether forced on us, taught to us, etc...whatever it is, we believe in our hearts that it is all ours to bear. Alone.

That lie leaves a lot of wounded people in its wake...

In less than two months, I will be spending a weekend with a group of young women ages 13-20 teaching them, among other things, about the importance of tribe. These are girls that are searching for more...the good news is that they know they need more and they are asking for help...the bad news is that they are not being fed (spiritually) in their lives. There is no judgment there for them or where they are at...I am part of many tribes at this point...women and men of all ages...and the bulk of us feel like we are walking through the spiritual desert...it is tough out here. We are hurting people in a hurting world and we know (we hope) there is more available to us than what we presently know to be true.

Which is why....we need each other. We need a tribe. A group of people who will do life with us...Encourage us...Believe in us....Speak truth to us. We NEED each other.

Yesterday I had the chance to spend the day with multiple tribes of mine...each feeding me in different ways that give me LIFE. I simply cannot imagine my life today without them in it. I. Cannot.

Lydia...one of my recent #tribe converts. Love. Her. :))))
Sometimes I write because I need therapy and writing is absolutely therapeutic for me. Sometimes I write to simply share...the lessons and the joy. Today, I think I am writing to remind myself...and anyone that reads this...that building a tribe is important...necessary...and to say that I continue to be grateful every day that where there has been great loss in my life, God has opened other doors and other lessons giving me the opportunity to heal, grow, and bless my own fragile heart...continue to love...deeply.

#tribe

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)

Sunday, August 24, 2014

In Search of Goodness


I need to ask for forgiveness...from a lot of people.

I told this story recently of an aha moment with my nephew where he is talking about school and a teacher/leader there, and I do a double take because it is someone I went to school with...and because I struggle with a filter for the connection point between my thoughts and mouth, I reacted. My nephew...being my nephew (and my spawn) dug in...I mean, what did his aunt know that he must now know....Ugh. I felt the eyes of my Sis upon me without even turning my head. I gracefully (NOT!) started backing away from the conversation, but my nephew was relentless...and suddenly I softened (that could only have come from God) and looked him in the eye and said, "It doesn't matter...my memories are clouded...I was very angry in those years and most certainly my judgment from then is skewed."

What. The. Heck.???

I remember the dropped jaw on my Sis' face as I looked over at her, but nothing more was said...until supper when she simply couldn't hold it inside anymore. "Heather I have never heard you admit that???" Without missing a beat, I replied, "I know right?! Growth." We both just smiled.

We discussed it later, and it was so good. Good.

It was a moment though...for both of us...that maybe some of the old (for both of us) really was healing, and there was hope.

There. Is. Hope.

I tell this story here and now as much for myself as anyone. I have made some COLOSSAL mistakes in my 43 years. Colossal. My childhood was amazing and then wretched followed by brutal. My parents were ill-equipped for marriage and parenthood, but even more they were ill-equipped for being, well, imperfect. They seemed to have been raised during a time and by people where the expectations were high and the margin allowed for error extremely low. They went to church and loved God, but I am not sure if for all the right reasons. Of all the things I have a strong rememberance or opinion on, their salvation is not one of them. I trust that they and God can handle that one just fine without me piping in from the cheap seats. I have spent a considerable amount of time the past several years working on my "Father Wound" and "Mother Wound" as Eldredge refers to them. Hell, I didn't even realize I had either prior not because I didn't have all of the inward or outward signs like a suffering leper, but simply because the walls around my heart in these areas were SO thick and my arrogance that "I got it." so beastly that I had myself fooled. I mean, I was the "reasonable" one the "peacemaker" in the family....I look back at the titles given to me by others and ordained for me by my own ego, and I laugh nervously. I was neither reasonable or a peacemaker, I was in full blown survival mode and trying not to be "found out" for the miserable wretch I was...I was BEASTLY on the inside. A full on fraud of the highest order. I hated my parents for being complete and utter douches. I hated myself. I hated everything. I wanted to be good. I did so very much. I knew there was freedom in Jesus. I clung to it like a life raft in the middle of a stormy ocean, but I had NO idea what to do with it. I didn't know how to lay it down at his feet...trust him. Worst of all...in the arsenal of protective weapons I held so dear, too often...very often...I used my faith as one too. Dear God forgive me.

I was on the eve of 41 years of age when I realized I was angry. I had deceived myself over 30 of those years that I. Was. Fine., and the unwinding of many years of anger has been brutal to my heart, my mind, my soul, and even my body. In two years, I have found a lot of healing, and for that I am so grateful. I have a long way to go.


I am currently reading a book "The Utter Relief of Holiness" by John Eldredge. I finished the audio study on it a few weeks back and have already loaned it out (there is a five deep waiting list in my tribe to borrow it). I am now reading the book like my life depends on it. I have to stop every few pages and just sit for a moment and reflect because it almost makes too much sense to my wounded heart. A few weeks back I was asked to speak to a group of 75 13-18 year old girls. WHAT??!?!?!  I was struggling with what to speak about and then about 1:30 a.m. that morning God gave me the words, and I lay in my bunk using my cell phone as a flashlight writing them down as fast as they were given to me. Just a few hours later, I stood (shaking like a leaf) in front of these young, beautiful, smart, broken, loving women...and opened my mouth. I was stunned by the reaction. Frankly, I was pretty stunned at what came out of my mouth. We are taught both inside and outside of the church, Christians and non-Christians, that we are innately bad and that we need to/should/better be fighting the urge to be bad 24/7. I was taught that, at home (definitely) and at church growing up. I now believe that to be a lie. I neither believe that to be the intent of the gospel or our lives either by letter or spirit (of it). I have spent years playing by the rules, failing at the rules, repenting and recommitting to the rules, and succumbing to the "bad" in me because I could...it was enough...whatever excuse I had on any given day. When I was doing well following the rules, I was unbearable to be around, and when I was not following the rules well, I hid. This cat and mouse game I was playing with my life made me miserable. This is not to say my whole life has been one of misery or that I was not good or did not produce good. This is to say that I was not fully alive because I was not fully happy. I was in spiritual and emotional torment. Fighting to be what I was supposed to be while failing so explosively that it took a great deal of energy to make that not look as awful as it was...anyone following me???

I have been loved poorly in my life. I was not protected emotionally by my parents and in some cases I was not protected physically by my parents. I have been shamed by the ones who were supposed to love me unconditionally. There is no going back or do-over for them or me for the first 18 years of my life...or the many since. It is done.

In that same breath, I cannot undo all that I have done wrong. The people I have hurt, shamed, offended, or wronged. I cannot unwind my mistakes or take back words said in anger or fear. There are some in my life that have passed away, that I can no longer go back and thank for loving me in spite of my brokenness.

Life. Goes. On.

I am halfway through my life (should I live the average life span). I have been given more chances to "get it right" than any single individual deserves. My mistakes could fill a volume of books. In all this, I have a good heart. I was born with a good heart.

I have worked very hard to recover the good heart I entered this world with, and I am getting there. Slowly but surely. It isn't simply the recovery as much as it is the unearthing of it. I never lost it as much as I simply hid it. I hid it from myself, as well as others. To show it meant to be vulnerable, and at the age of nine, I learned that I could ill-afford to be vulnerable on that front. I have spent a lot of time and money working to heal that nine year old girl and her sweet heart. It has been money I would spend again ten fold, but it has been brutal. We hurt ourselves. We hurt others. Our brokenness from ourselves and other's actions against us...become the cornerstones of our lives if we let them. I no longer want to let them.

My legacy is not that I was broken, but that I was healed. That I forgave. That I forgive. That I love. With. All. My. Heart.

There are a lot of people that are no longer in my life by their choice. I forgive them too.

This past week I had dinner with a friend (#tribe) and afterwards while driving home, it struck me that we are all just holding each other's hands, walking each other home. I do not deserve the tribe I have been given who take the time, energy, love, and deep healing it is taking to walk me home. Several years ago, I knew I was broken, but only in healing have I realized just how very much I was broken...so much more than I recognized then...even crumpled in the floor in tears. I just didn't know.

Young kids, mostly young women, ask me to talk to them, pray for them, help them...in all that, they simply need a friend, a mentor, help finding their voice, to be reassured they are okay, to know they are loved, and to be given hope. The need of this generation of young people is breathtaking. They have everything at their fingertips yet nothing. How is that?? I am overwhelmed by it...not to mention somewhat intimidated and frightened by the whole scene as their need reveals my own, and I am left to deal with searching out deeper healing for my life so that I can be a hand for them. There is deep truth in the airlines' instructions to put the face mask on yourself first before the person next to you...even when it is a child. I never understood that...TRULY...before now.

"And I can promise you, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell of you becoming the person God made you to be without the healing of your humanity. You can't get to holiness without wholeness. The two go together." ~ John Eldredge, The Utter Relief of Holiness {Amen.}

I bought a new book about David this weekend at Beth Moore...I am SO excited to read it. I found the irony of this reference today that I read in John's book..."King David was a man who knew his character flaws, felt the anguish of regret, spent many a tormented night wrestling with his failings. And yet, in Psalm 119, David wrote this: "I run in the path of your commands, because you have set my heart free."...freedom of heart and the passionate pursuit of God's commands?...Genuine holiness restores human beings; restored human beings possess genuine holiness." {Wow.}

I love David, but I never realized how much I relate to David...character flaws, anguish of regret, tormented night...those are pages from my own life.

I am in search of goodness. Others' goodness. Especially my own.

I have a good heart. Each of us has a good heart.

Goodness is the healing of our personal humanity. Of mine.

I cannot change the mistakes of my past. The years of judgement lodged against others and myself. I can do something about today, tomorrow, and the day after that. The Bible, church, our spirituality...is not a weapon. It has taken me years to recognize that. I am not going to change myself or others by waving my sword and yelling at the top of my lungs (Even. When. I. Am. Right.) I am not going to right a wrong by being quiet, meek, and straddling the fence so as not to offend. There is another way. I haven't perfected it or figured it all out, but I know now...more than ever...that there is another way. I am determined to work on that...figure THAT out...because my own life depends on it.

I am tired of being angry.

I am tired of being scared.

I am tired.

I want my life to speak grace and strength and encouragement into others.

I am laying down my sword.

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

By The Grace of God Go I


I have wrestled the pen (so to speak) on stating anything via here or even a social media blip on the passing and circumstances around Robin Williams' death. The fact is part of my pause is because I am still in shock. 

I grew up with Robin Williams starting with Mork and Mindy. No generation identifies more with the breadth and depth of his career than mine...the awkward and often identity-less Gen X. For some of us "latch key" kids, who were raised more by TV than parents...he IS the parent we never had. As he aged and matured and LIVED so did we...and we watched...and LEARNED. 

So as I deal with a mourning I am surprised by (none of us REALLY thinks it is "normal" to deeply mourn a celebrity (especially one we never met)?!...I am disturbed at the look in his eyes in photo after photo that flashes on the TV or across my social media feeds. There is clearly an emptiness there. Why didn't I ever notice that before?...why didn't anyone?...why didn't anyone help?

By the grace of God go I.

That was my thought after 36 hours of mourning and tributes to Robin Williams.

Last night I had dinner with one of my #tribe, and it was amazing...thoughtful, yummy, deep, and funny. We were doing life together at that table. I was and am so grateful to people who want to do life with me to this level. Truly sharing the highs and lows...struggles and wins...questions and answers....with me and others. I have wrestled deeply since camp with what I saw and experienced, and last night was a release valve for my wrought spirit. As we shared back and forth last night, we both sensed the deepening and shift in our friendship. {Deep. Smile.}

So as I see fresh coverage on Robin Williams' suicide, I am struck by the question in my heart...Did he have a tribe? Not friends...I know he had friends. Not family...I know he has family. Not co-workers...I know he has great peers. 

Did. He. Have. A. Tribe.???

At camp, I got asked by many...fellow counselors and campers alike to explain my tribe theory. I should post those conversations, but not in this one. The point today is that people are inanately curious about tribes because I believe they sense they are missing something in their lives, just like I did when I was first reading and cultivating my own beliefs on it. 

The fact is we need people in our life who we can be fully transparent with...whatever it is....who will be an encourager to us while also being a mirror to our face holder....who will love us and pray with and for us...who will intervene spiritually for us...who will push us and hold us. People who don't expect us to have all of the answers, but openly share their knowledge and are willing to search out the answers with us that we don't know. Who will let us be vulnerable and raw without judgement or scorn. People who will walk through life with us on the superficial levels, but more importantly on the deeper levels of life.

I have no judgement towards Robin Williams for taking his own life for I know in my heart that any one of us could be at that point at any given moment. What I am realizing is that what keeps me from the darkest of places is my "tribe" relationships where I am able to share the  darkness with...and they help direct me to the light. I am not sure that makes a great deal of sense in the wee hours of the morning as the sun rises in the distance, but somehow I believe it does...and not just to me.

This morning I am more grateful than ever for my tribe...for the gift of the original C7 and their gift of the tribe lesson...for a God who knew what I needed and sent it in a beautiful lesson wrapped in a messy swampy season of my life. Without my tribe, the race before me would be too much...Too. Much.

Life is hard. Growth sucks.

Yet...God is in the roses and the thorns. 

Tribes matter. We all need a tribe to walk through this life with...and then to celebrate with on the other side. 

Rest in peace Robin Williams. May we all reach for people more in light of the lessons in your death and the beauty of your life. 

Find and build your tribe...Today. ❤️☀️

Sunday, July 27, 2014

In Every Season


In every season....

My constant friend.

You are near.

In weakness I rise.

Fully letting go.

Surrendering.

The anchor for my soul.

You will never change.

You are my Savior.

I can count on you.

Fully letting go.

Surrendered. 

Wow. No words today.

In every season...

....but oh how I love this sweet season. ❤️☀️
 
Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)
 

Sunday, July 20, 2014

The Nirvana In A Writing Desk

Heather's Writing Desk

I was going to come home and lay down. I needed to do just one single thing first.

I sat down at my new desk I just got set up at the loft yesterday, and now here I am looking out over the Arkansas River writing and listening to the soundtrack from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. A film that took me more than a little while to feel the rhythm of....the song "Stay Alive" is AMAZING! I highly recommend checking it out.

I digress...

I think I might have found a new personal nirvana for me. A writing area. I mean a desk, a chair, a view, and little touches (a unique piece of pottery filled with #2 pencils (sharpened), another piece of pottery with highlighters and pens), one pile of old journals, two other piles of "critical" books to my life (either being presently read for the first or second or fifth time), thank you notes (an old habit of mine that I am renewing), a pile of IF: Gathering material, another pile of orphan information, and personal touches like a bouquet of dried peonies from Sherri's (C7) wedding in a crystal heart-shaped vase given to me by an old friend...plus a heart book "Find It In Everything" by Drew Barrymore given to me by another friend during #HogsCare week this past year.

I can't begin to express what sitting in this spot, surrounded by these things, looking at these views, and hearing this song is causing in my soul.

The tears are coming....

They are tears of pure joy. Pure. Joy.

I try to hit pause when I find these nirvana moments clearly aware that I don't know for how long they will last, or initially what all is causing them. I so love my friends and family. I love my life so very, very much right now. A part of the happy is the nesting factor. Creating a real home has brought me joy and peace I have never EVER known. I have owned homes (and still do), but I am happier in this loft than any single place I have ever, ever lived. It is hardly perfect...I could make a list, but I don't...not even in my own mind...because what it gives me is more joy than I deserve. I took no less than a half dozen naps in the past two days, and in between I purged no less than a dozen boxes...treasures, stuff, books (OH Sweet Jesus the books this girl owns!), set up my guest bed (now someone has somewhere they can actually lay their head, threw away, and made yet another pile to donate, but the biggest WOWSA was setting up my new desk. It looks like nothing I would have loved or even liked a few years ago, but I love it now. It is perfect for the space, but more it feels like me. How is that?!?!? How does that happen?!?!? A desk! Feels like ME?!?!?!

Grinning through misty-eyes.

*Sigh*

If there is one thing I have learned over the past several years, it is that I absolutely MUST operate from my heart...or walk away. Period. That was a hard lesson for this girl; one I wish that I had learned much, much younger. *Sigh*  I would play the martyr role to the hilt even as I was blissfully unaware of it. Here is a little tip...if there is a quality in someone you hate...no, despise....take a long look in the mirror because you probably demonstrate the same quality(ies). *Ugh* For years, I thought I was operating from my heart when the truth was I operated from about ten levels above it...from the safe zone I had built. Now I wasn't a bad person, but I wasn't wholehearted either. I was only half alive, operating from survival instinct, and not quite sure where or to whom I belonged...God that hurts to write.

Today, I operate from a much riskier place, but the rewards...Oh. The. Rewards.


Yesterday I was exhausted. Exhausted. I finally took a break from purging and naps to go get some fried chicken (in a sweater no less - crazy Arkansas weather - it is JULY!). Everywhere I looked...hearts...I mean in the sidewalk, oil spills on the driveway, cut into the concrete, sky, etc...I do mean everywhere I looked...there were hearts. I actually said, out loud, God I hear you...you love me...not today. I don't want to feel it today. I am tired. There was silence. I get to the jeep. Sometimes (I don't know how or why), my iPod will just start playing and shuffling my music randomly. I turn on the Bluetooth and "Let's Make It Last" by Brandon Heath plays. I smile a little. Then "Letting Go" by Bethel. At this point, I am laughing. God...I give. I hear you. What are you trying to tell me?

There is a line at the chicken place, and I have to wait...awhile. I see this quote, "For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would like complete destruction." ~ Cynthia Occelli {Note the quote was on Adam Braun's Instagram page. I am currently devouring everything he has written and done as he started a non-profit from nothing...now changing the world.)}

How many in my life see my life the past 4-5 years as having gone through complete destruction? Growth? What do I see?

I drove back to the loft. Savored my fried chicken. Got to work on my writing desk. It felt like a command. Energy came from where I do not know...except I do. God was ready for me to get busy. Once finished. I took another nap. I spent most of the rest of yesterday just staring at it. Staring.

The words coming...

When I stop struggling. I float. It is the law.
 
"I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." ~ Isaiah 46:4
 
"Nothing can tear us from the grip of his mighty love." ~ Romans 8:38-39
 
Lord I am stepping out from the comfort zone. Letting go of me, holding on to YOU.
 
"Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created." ~ Esther 4:14

We must abandon all we know to be true about ourselves, our pasts, our spiritual cornerstones, our personalities, our strengths, our weaknesses, those we love, and those we thought we were meant to love, our gifts...Who. We. Believe. We. Are.

We must lay it all down at the foot of the cross...and Give. It. Up.

Radical obedience means doing all of this and so much more, but as He re-builds the puzzle and quilt of your heart, soul, and mind in to who you always dreamed you could be...who you always were (albeit somewhere hidden)...He shows you true nirvana...and it comes in the strangest forms, places, and ways....not as you "believe" it should, but as He knows it needs to be. His will; not mine.

Friday night and early Saturday morning I could feel the panic and disappointment in myself easing upon me like a wave creeping up on the shore. The to do lists too long. Fear of disappointing people. Not enough of me to go around. Not. Enough. Yet....I didn't save me. Rebuke. Nothing. God stepped in. He stood between me and all of my old crap and said, "Not today. Not my girl. Not this time." He walked me through yesterday and today like the Master he is...and it has been a beautiful, productive, relaxing, loving, NIRVANA, two days.

Do I have everything done? No. Did I have to make some decisions that disappoint me in myself or others? Yes. Am I any less? Absolutely not.

Tonight, Mugs Café had a special dinner/party to celebrate their one year anniversary. There was great food, fellowship, laughter, and games...plus a few awards. I would like to say that my reward for "cheering them on" was my favorite because if you know me, you know I want "Encourager" on my tombstone...it is my new mantra second only to "Make the plan; work the plan." :))) I digress. ;) Yet...my favorite was winning the (First Edition) Queen of Mugs Café (there was also a King). I mean...first, I don't win anything...so it was pretty sweet. The thing is though that the whole crown, queen thing felt like it was coming more from God than Mugs...Yes, I know exactly how that sounds...but it did/does. I am not really the queen of anything...ever. Yet, I was reminded this weekend, to whom I belong, and to Him....I am a queen.

Where is the nirvana in your life? Is it right there? Are you missing it?

Note: Today I watched the film "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" and downloaded the soundtrack. The film took me a moment, but it is one I will watch again to make sure I am "getting" it. I haven't been able to get it out of my head since the closing credits. There is something there...I am sure if I figure it out, I will write about it. ;) :)))

Sunshine Dreams to You ~ Today and Every Day! :)